Sunday, October 28, 2007

meditative time

Have I really not been here to post since Thursday? My god, I don't even know where to begin.
Well, I completely emptied my office at 9pm last night. I got a bug up my bum and the next thing I knew the entire contents of the room had been moved to the dining room. Then I filled up a bucket with some warm, soapy water and sage oil and did a thorough cleansing of the windows, walls, and floors. My desire for a change of perspective and mental refurbishing has been satisfied--even if the closet is still a mess (I guess you could say that I'm saving that for a different day).

At the moment I am drinking a cup of "Meditative Time" tea (check out Yogi Tea's great website--yum!). I'm enjoying a clean room with soft lamps and burning candles. The door is shut and music is playing. Ok, actually, that is all a lie. I am just trying to write myself into a peaceful place. I have, however, put the water on to boil and *hold on a minute*... have just now lit candles, incense, and turned on the music. The tea is now sitting by my side. The lamps are turned down low. There. I have hereby turned a wonderful fiction into reality. *deep breath* Tonight I am attempting to enjoy my own private and much needed sanctuary. It has been an incredibly emotional last couple of days.

Doing this "Be Brave" project ranks up there as one of the most intense things I have ever done. It is psychological, emotional, spiritual, physical. Seriously? Yes, seriously. And if you're doing this "Be Brave" project along with me, then you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. I knew it had the potential to be life changing. I just never realized that such deeply internal transformations would occur.

Yesterday I received the very incredible gift of a tarot reading from Jamie. To be honest, I am still processing much of it. She truly has a gift and I will forever be grateful for the insights that she has shared with me. Perhaps one of these days I will write in more detail about this experience. But, for now, it is deeply personal and deeply appreciated. I have spent much of the day in tears. Not necessarily sad tears, but the kind made up of everything all mixed together. What I feel today is: release. Huge amounts of emotional release. Jamie's reading caused a lot of intense emotions to rise to the surface. She was so right on with everything that she said and well...I have a lot of thinking to do. You know, it takes a lot of courage to follow one's heart. These days, my heart is only whispering. In so many ways I am only starting from scratch.

And right now...well, right now I just want to say thank you to everyone who is on this Be Brave journey along with me and to all of you who have been leaving comments, emails of support, and putting your positive energy out into the universe. I'm serious, people. This is big time. And I am truly thankful for this community of friends and fellow adventurers. I can feel your presence, I think about your words, your experiences, your acts of bravery and it is empowering in ways that cannot even be described.

One of these days soon I'm going to rewrite the post that "Be Brave" links to. Because, you see, this is not just an October thing. It has no ending. It won't end October 31st. It won't end ever. It just doesn't work like that--and if you should decide to join in on this project, then you'll see for yourself what I mean. I want everyone to know that you (yes, you!) should feel welcome to join in anytime you want. May we find bravery within ourselves every day. Every single day. All of us.

I love you, friends.


Olivia said...

Jessie, You wrote: "Doing this "Be Brave" project ranks up there as one of the most intense things I have ever done. It is psychological, emotional, spiritual, physical. Seriously? Yes, seriously." I so agree with this, very seriously as well. I have a completely different attitude to things that I fear, even now. I think that the best way to say it is that I'm no longer afraid of things that I "fear". I can just do them anyway. It has opened up my life, and I don't yet really see the limits! Serious blessings, O, Who Loves You Too

Fiona said...

I'm so glad its not ending this week! Its lifelong project honouring a core value. You've inspired me to go and do what I really want which is to live in Spain again. Reading with envy as you have gone with you wolves into the woods, I have started to carve out that sacred space in my life and to clear away everything I no longer need. Wow, that's pretty powerful. Thank you, thank you!

Maddie said...

The 'be brave' project is
illuminating many a brave heart
in this community - a path of
luminous stepping stones with friends
along the way cheering us on -
and all thanks to you and your
bright little heart:)

Laura B. said...

I want to join!! I'm just not ready quite yet. It's good to know that I'm welcome anytime, though :)

To be honest, I am scared to have a reading done on myself. I believe that it can be powerful, and your post has proven that to me... . I hope you are okay, and that you are sorting out everything that came to the surface. I'm thinking of you, Jessie!