the art of being a stray dog.

It's sunny out this morning and, judging by the way the leaves on the big old tree outside my window are moving, there must be a breeze. My old cat, Moonshadow, is laying on a blanket in front of the window. He looks content, like he probably won't be moving from that spot for the rest of the day. I have another cat curled up behind me. This causes me to sit on the edge of my chair, which I always do, just for her. The dogs have fallen back to sleep on the couch and my husband is getting ready to leave for work. He hates leaving for work and I can't say that I blame him.

Every morning I find myself in a place of extreme gratitude for the fact that I don't have to "go to work." That is, I don't have to go somewhere that I don't like and tough out the work day, the work week. I prefer my animal kingdom and staying in my pj's and having options. I remember listening to one of Marisa's podcasts this past winter and day dreaming about what it must be like to be a full time artist who gets to work from home or a studio. I've come to the conclusion that it is just as enjoyable as I imagined it would be. Maybe even more so since I had no idea my life would become so interesting and multi-faceted.

One thing I know about myself is that I get bored when things get too monotonous. Well, the work I'm doing is anything but monotonous! Sometimes I paint, sometimes I do photo shoots, sometimes I do computer work, sometimes I meet with people, sometimes I get to help with rescue missions, sometimes I go for coffee or lunch or dinner, sometimes I design things, sometimes I run errands to the art store or post office or bank, sometimes...lots of stuff. So much stuff, in fact, that I find myself needing to take special care to keep track of my life and find a balance. Making time to actually paint is often my biggest hurdle of all.

Somehow, in my mind, I find myself thinking that getting moved into the studio space will make time management so much easier. At least, it will make painting easier. Oh, big beautiful space! The hardest part is waiting until November 1st--when they will be finished with the renovation. In the meantime, I enjoy daydreaming about that space--profusely. Between now and then I have a mountain of painting to do...and I can't even tell you how much I am looking forward to getting started with my next project: an exhibition of ALL rescue dogs.

Speaking of rescue dogs...as expected, Gunnar and Sam stole my heart. I want to tell you their stories, but today I find myself capable only of carrying their sweetness in my heart. Instead or stories, I will share a few photos. I think you'll be able to see for yourself just how wonderful they are.

Gunnar--the sweetest lab in the world. A family dog, to be sure.

Sam--sweet boy, he loved having his back touched.
He also loves cheese. And running. And being talked to.

Gunnar--in the car on his last leg of the trip to Minnesota.
Gunnar loves kisses. And taking naps. And having his paw held.

How is it possible that both of these dogs were going to be euthanized? How is it possible that anyone would have wanted to give them up in the first place? All I can say is that it was a pleasure making their acquaintance...and I truly hope they find incredible new homes. I do not doubt that they will.

Well, one thing is for sure. There is always....

I love my job.

~

writing my journey...

The sun is just now thinking about rising. I've gotten up early to join M. in transporting 2 dogs on the last leg of their trip from Iowa to Minneapolis. One is a brindle named Sam. If it wasn't for this trip, he would be euthanized because he might be part pit bull. The operative word here is "might." Since there is a total ban on pit bulls in Sioux City, Iowa--he's been marked with the scarlet letter. Today Sam is escaping his own death.

The other dog is a yellow lab named Gunnar. Gunnar is coming from the same high-kill shelter and was also going to be euthanized because he has a heart murmur. They don't put animals with health conditions up for adoption. Lucky for Gunnar, someone at the shelter cared enough about him to send out a plea for help. Because of that woman, Gunnar is escaping his death today, too.

A couple days ago I decided that I wanted to get back to blogging. Life has gotten busy and I've had to set this space aside more than I would like to. I was thinking that I would like to return to blogging every day. I don't know if that's possible, but I am going to make an attempt to show up more often. You see, what I realized the other day is that I am in the midst of a journey. Lately I've had the sense that this particular part of the journey holds tremendous weight for me. I don't know why I feel the pull to write my thoughts and experiences down as I live them and I most certainly don't know why I feel the pull to write about it here. But I do.

This time in my life feels very significant to me. As I live from the middle of it, I cannot yet understand why. There is a single bird chirping in the half-light outside my window. It makes me think of my aunt. I feel her presence--a bittersweet sensation of loss and nearness, causing a sting of tears each time I think of her. I also hear geese flying south on a regular basis. The geese, they stop me in my tracks every time. They are a powerful reminder of home. Their migration tugs at me with same instinctual pull that they must feel. My whole life has led me to this very moment...to the peacefulness of this morning where I sit at my desk in the glow of lamplight...wondering where this day will lead me next.

* * *

this morning's random thoughts...

I got up much earlier than a person should ever get up on a weekend morning. I couldn't sleep due to all the thoughts swimming around in my brain. Despite lack of sleep, I'm feeling inspired. It is one of those mornings that makes me want to accomplish everything...right this very second! I woke up thinking about how to build out and design the warehouse space. Presently, it is under renovation and is made up entirely of open space (oh, sweet open space!). We'll be building out temporary walls to create privacy for M's office and my studio, yet somehow retain the feeling of openness. I woke up thinking about paint colors, storage, doors, sinks, gallery lighting, chairs, sunlight... And, I admit, I love thinking about this kind of stuff. It makes me wish I didn't have anything else to do so that I could just go look for more ideas.

Later today I am meeting with my biz partner and a web designer. Oh, holy excitement! :) I love my website and I love my husband for helping me create it, but as we venture into the next stage, it is now time to re-create my look. I've been thinking about how to describe myself and what I want my website to reflect. I'm realizing that a lot of the words I'm drawn to are quite contradictory. I've come to the conclusion that I have a strong desire to reflect the broadest spectrum of myself. This, of course, is a tall order. Luckily, we've found an INCREDIBLE young woman to do the work for us. To be honest, her talent blows me away and I'm looking forward to seeing what she comes up with.

Let's see...I've also been obsessed with coming up with workshop ideas, the need to write letters, an attempt to get organized, and brewing up plans for the paintings I want to create. I also have a fairly large project that I need to wrap up the planning of. This is going to require some pre-organization and about 100 emails. Seriously, am I capable? :)-

The most peaceful thing in my life right now is the puppy who is asleep at my feet (always at my feet) and the cat who is laying in the window, purring. My mind is sifting through an overload of inspiration, ideas, and information. Sometimes I feel like I might explode with enthusiasm--oh, the possibilities! I get so excited that I lose focus. There's so much to think about all at once! But I'll tell you....I would not trade this in for anything. This is life lived at full capacity.

~

dream space: attained.

Several months ago I put in a request to the Universe for my dream studio to manifest itself in my life. At the time, I can't even tell you how far of a stretch it was to think that it might actually happen.

Well, my friends, I'm happy to say that it really is possible for dreams to come true. Granted, I'm still standing here blinking my eyes in shock...but you can bet that I'm smiling like a maniac at the same time!

But I need to back up a second because there's more...

A few weeks ago I was offered a business proposal. As you might be guessing...I accepted.

Yesterday we signed a lease agreement for a 2,200 square foot renovated warehouse space in the NE Arts District of Minneapolis. And let me just say: IT IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

I met my new business partner on Monday, July 21st--the first day of relaunching the Be Brave Project. I will always remember that date because it was when my life took a huge and positive turn. Of course, at the time, I didn't know how my life would change. I didn't know that she would become such an incredible friend and I certainly didn't know we would go into business together! All I knew was that I felt the shift, the sensation of transformation taking place. The feeling can only be explained as molecular, but I recognized it as the same physical/mental/whole-being response I felt that day while shoveling snow.

This new studio space has absolutely everything I wished for and more. Huge south and east facing windows, exposed brick, towering ceilings, timber beams, a view of downtown...there's even railroad tracks outside our window! And, you know, I have an affinity for trains ever since my old train hopping days...but that's probably another story.

I feel very grateful to share a very deep connection with the woman I'm going into partnership with. She will be teaching motivational workshops for corporate clients and leading travel adventure groups for the purpose of helping animals in need, both nationally and abroad. Together, we are forming an unstoppable force and will be doing work that is deeply meaningful to both of us--each in our own way. I am Stray Dog Arts. My new business partner is about to become Stray Dog Adventures. And TOGETHER we are Stray Dog Arts and Adventures! I have to admit, I feel a bit like the Wonder Twins, but I have to say, we really are that good together! :)

Needless to say, I have just entered a whole new stage of my life. I am no longer just "me" painting dogs because I love them. That is the foundation of what I will continue to do...but this is also my opportunity to make my life look any way I want. The universe has granted me an astounding gift in leading me to this friendship and partnership. It has given me a huge gift in giving me such an incredible space from which to work from--to paint, to lead workshops, to hold photo shoots, to host events, to fund raise, to sell my art, to write, to simply breathe.

This, my friends, blows my wildest dreams out of the water. I can't really describe why or how, but my life, and the experiences I'm capable of having, have only recently opened up in so many ways. I mean, seriously...me? with my very own gallery space?!?! Running self-created workshops?! Creating in a studio space that will take people's breath away?! And a huge potential for travel and animal rescue?! {still blinking...}

My focus right now is to build a business and partnership that is wildly successful. One that is built of connection and heart. I want my life to be big. I want it to be bold. And I want my business to make a difference--in the lives of animals and people. Our lives are so full of possibility. Each and everyone of us has such a deep pool of potential. The trick is not only in recognizing it, but trusting it. I am still learning this--an endless process? I have no idea how I got to this moment and, yet, I know that everything has led to this.

All I know is that I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

(Thank you, Universe.)


Looks like "mondo-beyondo" isn't so far out of reach after all.
{mind you, I'm still in awe!!}

~

Guess what today is!

TODAY IS MY
LAST DAY
AT THE GARDEN SHOP!!!!

smiling, giddy, huge, pumping, pitter-patter heart...

Today is the day I have been waiting for!!!!

No offense to the garden shop. It has served me well and it has pushed me forward. I will FOREVER be thankful for what happened for me in that space of my life.

But today is the day I take the real, live, wonderful
{LEAP!}

Want to celebrate with me?
Oh, joy!
Oh, happiness!
Oh, long awaited day!

I love the way bravery feels. Big, wonderful, extraordinary life. Bravery makes everything so much better. I can't wait to tell you what's next! :) ...that post is coming soon. ;)

Today is a direct result of this quote:

"DO ONE THING EVERY DAY THAT SCARES YOU."

~Eleanore Roosevelt

Thank you, Be Brave Project!

*image borrowed from here.

~

rainy morning.

It is a cloudy morning and I am sitting here at my desk with a luscious piece of turquoise fabric drawn across the window. I am enjoying the warmth of my puppy's breath on my foot. It rained last night causing me to wake up thinking that the ceiling fan had been turned on. Such a steady rhythm, the rain. For some reason, I moved to the couch and, shortly after, was covered by dogs. I slept hard, but woke up with a headache that is threatening a migraine. For some reason, I don't even mind. There has been so much excitement in my world these past several days that I think my body was simply being kind enough to give me an excuse to keep the blinds down and curtains drawn. I ate a banana, took something for my head, and enjoyed a double espresso (my morning vice love). I am already feeling better, but am still soaking in the nested feeling of darkness and the warm glow of the lamp on my desk.

Today I am honoring my self, my body, and my work. I am honoring the fact that I need today to be quiet and to paint without interruption. I am honoring my need to shut down just for a little while in order to regroup and refill myself. I am honoring my need to dream and to listen to the rain.

This week my wildest dreams are in the process of becoming a reality. There is so much to make sense of. There is so much to figure out, to learn, to be grateful for.

My last post contains a tinge of something that I want to move away from. Maybe to call it a tinge is an understatement. It's more like a heavy weight. These days I am in the process of squaring my shoulders and facing my anxieties, with the intention of overcoming my old limitations. There is the person I was. And there is the person I am now. The person I am and the person I am becoming does not benefit from those old thinking patterns. I am beginning to understand how important it is that I take stock of where I am at, exactly, right now. That means that I have to start paying closer attention to myself. That means that I need to learn a new plan. That means that I need to face my fears head on and, in the process, move beyond what was once holding me back.

Today, in the comforting corner of this lamp lit room, I am thankful to be in a position that necessitates growth--both inwardly and outwardly.

~

surviving survival mode.

I've come to the conclusion that these nuances of life are interesting, indeed. One day I met a woman in a coffee shop. We became friends. And, since then, my life has changed.

Yesterday we sat at my dining room table talking over cups of tea and sharing a light lunch of crackers with avocado and tomatoes. Outside, there was the coolness of autumn in the air and, inside, was a pile of sleeping dogs at our feet.

These days, I often find myself struggling for words to describe how I feel or what I see. Words sometimes become unavailable to me and this is one of those times. But, in talking, I realized something. I realized that I have been living in survival mode for so long that I am often barely able to see past it. I have this odd sensation of breaking down and breaking open all at the same time. I think this must be what growth feels like. When I think about it, I keep seeing myself as some sort of unidentifiable garden mulch...breaking down, disintegrating. The breaking open...well, that feels more like a strange new version of myself breaking out of a chrysalis. Granted, these new wings are still stuck closed to my back. I'm still forming sight. But one thing I do notice is an awful lot of light and openness surrounding me.

There are some incredible things brewing in my potential near future--things that out-do my wildest dreams. But, at the moment, I feel like I am walking the razor's edge. These words are lacking many of the details, but I am writing this here in case another artist or dreamer should stumble upon these thoughts. This is the part where I am struggling. This is the part where I'm making the transition between having a job and becoming a full-time artist. This is the part where I have no idea if the money will be there. This is the part where I am scared shitless. This is the part where I am trying to figure out how to break out of survival mode. This is the part where, if I weren't so stubborn, I would probably have considered giving up.

I am writing this in case a fellow traveler might stumble across it someday and hopefully be reminded that they are not alone. Following your dreams is scary work. The more real it gets, the more courage it takes. There's a lot at stake. I mean, let's get real. How does courage equate to paying bills? Or raising a family. Or, or, or....

I guess courage is the ability to let go of fear, to Be Brave, to keep moving in the direction that is truest, to trust that everything will fall into place.

I am writing this now so that I can go back to these words someday and see where I once was. Today I am standing in a place that feels very scary. I am also standing in a place that holds more potential than I ever imagined for myself. Or rather, I did imagine it. I put images of what I want on my vision board and in my wish box and have written about it many times here and in my journal. And now (dare I say?) it is growing well beyond the seeds I planted.

I have a lot of fear to give up. I'm writing this in my current state of uncertainty to remind myself and others why it is worth the effort.

It is a process--but one thing I know is that I want to do more than simply survive.

~

Who does she think she is?

Hmmm...for some reason, I really like that question. ;)

Thanks daisies for leading me to such a brilliant video and for pointing out these words:

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” (johann wolfgang von goethe)

here's to LIVING BOLDLY!

~

I could tell you...

Well, the past week has been a time of tears and healing. It has also been a time of laughter and friendship. I notice that, unless I write here every day (which rarely seems to happen anymore), I never know where to hop back on board.

I could tell you that I have a puppy asleep at my feet. I call her my "Magic Ella Bean" because she has brought magic into my life and reminds me of a deliciously black French roasted coffee bean.

I could tell you about how happy I am to be alive and living a life that feels so true to me.

I could tell you how I'm looking forward to going out for a lunch of chai and Nepalese food with the most wonderful friend in the world.

I could tell you that my life has been swallowed whole by dogs and my work.

I could tell you about the photo shoot I had with a singing dog and how--WOW--that dog could really sing! Deep howls, held in tune with the harmonica, causing so much happiness to rise up from my center that it was hard to hold the camera steady!

I could tell you about all the ways that the Universe has conspired to help me to do what I'm doing and how amazing I think it is when people I've just met offer to help me to the extent that they do.

I could tell you about how hungry I am to travel north and to sit in the silence of the woods.

I could tell you about how sweet it is to watch Ella and Louie snuggle and how physically, emotionally, and mentally connected they are every second of the day.

I could tell you how happy Anu is to have me back again now that the "young dogs" can entertain themselves.

I could tell you about the porcelain cup I am drinking my coffee out of and how the gold edging catches the cool morning light, adding a bit of unexpected elegance to my day.

I could tell you about how I've decided to dream larger than life...because over and over again I am learning that life is as good as we allow it to be.

I could tell you about my aunt and how I felt her presence in the warmth of the sunshine when we walked out of the church after her funeral. She has become sunshine particles and birds and all sorts of things. She is so completely with me. I notice her often and feel a swell of emotion every time.

I could tell you about Being Brave and how grateful I am that this project has become a part of my life.

I could tell you about how good it felt to read my first glossy feature article and how happy I am with the way that Marni Wedin crafted our interview into an article (Thank you, Marni!).

There's so much I could tell you. But the question, once again, is where should I begin?

~

Words fail me.

This morning I feel a profound sense of sadness. The sun is shining and I am drinking coffee out of one of my very favorite blue bird cups. But the thought of sun shine and birds only makes me more sad because these are things that my aunt loved.

Today I will travel north to attend her wake and, tomorrow, her funeral. A few days ago she lost her fight with Luekemia. She was 49 years old. In my mind's eye, I see her smile. I see her sense of hope, her determination to live. I see her love for the natural world--for rain and deer and water. I see her loving her kids and growing huge gardens. I see her strength and sparkle.

I am afraid to see my uncle's sadness now that she's gone. Of all my aunts and uncles, they were the ones I was closest to. I feel the weight of her not being here anymore. I feel it so strongly that I have avoided writing about it here. Her death creates an enormous crack in my foundation.

The other day I came across a photograph that a dear friend gifted to me. It is of a birdcage hanging near the sea with its door open. In the threshold of the door is a single feather and the cage is slightly tilted as though blowing in the wind. I look at that photo and think of my aunt. I imagine the door of her heart being opened and out she flew.

My aunt has been set free and I find that profoundly beautiful.
It's just that I already miss her dearly--in a way that words are unable to touch.

Photo by Maddie, a beautiful friend and very talented photographer.

~

Stray Dog Arts 2008 Fundraising Promotion!

Re-posted from my Stray Dog Arts blog:

It was Monday, July 21st when I first heard the story of a dog that has since changed my life. Her name is Ode (pronounced O-Day), meaning "heart" in Ojibway. Ode, just a puppy, was found with both her ears intentionally burned off. She was the victim of unimaginable torture--but I am happy to say that she has been given an incredible second chance. Little did I know how deeply her story would affect me and how swiftly she would alter my life and work.

In early August I met Ode for a photo shoot in preparation for a portrait that I would eventually paint of her for a silent auction to help raise money for other animals in need. The day I met Ode was the day that I stepped over a threshold--and, when it happened, I knew that there would be no turning back.

As an artist and animal lover it is important that my work hold meaning. To live a purposeful and satisfying life takes great amounts of bravery. For me, that act of bravery was in taking the leap towards becoming a full time pet portrait artist. Recently, through Ode, that leap has grown to include a commitment to helping abused and abandoned animals. Over and over again, through painting, I am graced with opportunities that allow me to experience the deepest imaginable love. Pure. Egoless. Unconditional.

In honor of Ode, I will be donating 20% of all commissioned portraits and a substantial portion of greeting card sales to animal rescue efforts until December 31st, 2008.

By commissioning a portrait of the pets who have changed your life, you will be helping the lives of many more animals in need. A 50% nonrefundable deposit is required for all commissioned work and must be received no later than December 31st, 2008 in order to be included in this fundraising promotion. Your deposit will hold your place on the waiting list.

The Commission Process:

1. Contact me.
2. Send me photos preferably as email attachments. Snail mail is acceptable, but please no originals, since photos will not be returned.
   
3. If possible and/or necessary, scheduling a photo shoot is an option if you live in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Travel and transportation per diem required outside 20 mile radius of Minneapolis, MN. When possible, I truly enjoy the opportunity to meet the dogs I paint.
   
4. 50% nonrefundable deposit due. If definite size and/or dimensions have not yet been decided on, approximate payment must still be made to hold your place on the waiting list. Your place will not be held until deposit is made. If a photo shoot is scheduled, your deposit will be due at that time.
   
5. Sign a Fine Arts Commission Contract once details have been decided on (two copies--one for each of us) .
6. I will begin your painting as soon as possible. I currently have a small window of time open in November/December (2008) and will be booked again until late spring/early summer (2009).
7. Remaining amount of commission due once the painting is completed. Full payment (+ shipping, if applicable) required before delivery.
8. Hang your new painting on the wall for you and your pet to enjoy!
9. Then feel good about the fact that a large portion of your commissioned pet portrait went to a very good cause. The rescued animals thank you. As do I!

Note: It is not necessary to decide on the exact dimensions of the painting since it is often best to let the photo do some of the deciding. However, if you know an approximate size or price range that you would like to stay within, I am happy to work with you to come up with something that fits your wallet, your walls, AND your pet!

Can't decide if it's worth it? Watch this video. Ode, my inspiration. (p.s That's Ella (formally Eve), my newly adopted babe--the black pup in the video with Ode, her best friend.)

Video and photography by Marilou Chanrasmi.
Proceeds of fundraising promotion will be donated to Pet Haven.
www.pethavenmn.org

Special thank you to Karen Good of Red Lake Rosie's Rescue
and to all the volunteers of Pet Haven Inc. of Minnesota.

May all animals be happy!



*promotion excludes Dogs of Linden Hills project participants .
(exhibition participants please contact me if you're interested in donating)*
~

Spending power: Helping animals in need

Finally, what kitten lovers have been waiting for!

Dear Kitten Lovers,

You didn't think I would forget you, did you? Well, "kittens happen"! Kitten cards are available either singly or in sets of 6 at my Stray Dog Arts Etsy. Buy one for yourself and all your kitten loving friends!

50 cents per kitten card will go to help support animal rescue.

Go ahead--help a cat in need.

* * *

And reordered due to popular demand, these dogs are back in stock too!

"Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of spirit."
~Kahlil Gibran
*

"The authentic self is the soul made visible." ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

50 cents per card will be donated to help support animal rescue.

In honor of Ode, Ella, and all the animals in need.

Visit Stray Dog Arts Etsy here.

Donations will be given to Pet Haven rescue with love from Stray Dog Arts

(donation applies to individually packaged cards only)
~

Puppy love.

Photo of Louie and Ella taking a nap together
mere hours after her arrival. And, no, this photo was not set up.
One would think that they've known each other their entire life.

At the moment there is a puppy asleep at my feet. It is late and she is making little suckling sounds. I imagine that she is dreaming about her mama...the way that little puppies do. I reach my foot to touch her and she stretches, then snuggles in close. She is a lover and has barely left my side since since she got here.

Today is our new baby's first day with us. We had to postpone her arrival due to a house full of painters redoing ceilings and windows...and the concrete workers who came with their jack hammers and concrete saws...and the Renaissance Festival that swallowed up several whole days.

But finally...finally she is here and life just couldn't get much better than this. Our dear girl, she is a perfect fit. ;)

We've renamed her "Ella"--short for Eleanor. Named after Eleanor Roosevelt, she is my little "Be Brave" girl...and I am already hopelessly in love.

~

Ode's portrait

Ode--she is a brave spirit. So brave, in fact, that she changes every single person who comes in contact with her. Myself included. She is, after all, the one responsible for altering the mission of Stray Dog Arts. Painting dogs has led me home (home, that is, to my truest self), but Ode is the one who opened up the heart of this home in a way that I was unable to imagine before her.

Ode has opened up doors and windows and friendships and opportunities that have altered everything for me. This little pup who was horrifically abused and then abandoned has opened up my eyes to a whole new way of being. If there are angels on earth, then Ode is surely one of the most high spirited among them. Sweet Ode, what an incredible teacher she is.

This particular painting will be donated to a silent auction for Pet Haven's Fall Benefit. It is also the first painting in the series of many that will promote animal rescue efforts.

This is just the beginning....

* * *

Dear Ode,

Thank you for breaking me open.
Thank you for sparking an entire world of possibility.
Thank you for leading me to Eve.
Thank you for showing me that everything is possible.
Thank you for connecting me with Marilou.
Thank you for your rambunctious, bubble-loving energy.
Thank you for showing me that there is always hope.
Thank you for teaching me the importance of letting go.
Thank you for being a living example of bravery.
Thank you for changing the world, just by being you.
Thank you for teaching me how all of us can make the world better by simply being our truest self.
Thank you for helping me get over my self-doubt and fear over whether or not I will be successful.
Thank you for showing me another way of seeing.
Thank you for leading me to endeavors that support me--inside and out.
Thank you for being an inspiration.
Thank you for playing ball with me and jumping on me and showing me how you can run.
Thank you for helping me be a better person.
Thank you for leading me to Pet Haven.
Thank you for bringing me to this place of open-hearted love.
Thank you for showing me that anything is possible when you BELIEVE.

Thank you for changing my life.
Ode, I love you.

your friend forever,
Jessie

*read more about Ode's story here and here and here and here.
**and you just MUST look at this photo of Ode with her best friend, Eve (aka. the new baby of our family). Now that's friendship. ;)

~

rights of passages and other abrievated thoughts...

I've just washed an put away my brushes after an entire day of working on Ode's portrait. It's just over half way done and has reached, what I call, the awkward stage. Every piece I paint goes through this stage. It is the space in between initial excitement and finished satisfaction. It is the space that makes me question whether I am really any good at this at all.

Luckily, I have come to learn that's all it is: a stage. It is a right of passage that I must travel through with each painting. And yet sometimes I wonder if I will ever rid myself of this feeling. I suppose that if I want to keep growing, the sensation will always exist, at least to a degree.

Sometimes I'm amazed by how many brave things there are to do in a day. I mean, sometimes it takes bravery just to switch paint colors or to move from the nose to the eyes, from white fur to dark, from light to shadow. Every moment feels like practice to be brave, be brave, be brave...

This scary, doubtful, love-filled, crazy world. It amazes and stymies me on a regular basis.

On a side note, if I owe you an email, letter, phone call, or visit...please forgive me, but I am attempting an impossible amount of work in preparation for this weekend's upcoming event. Not to mention, our house as been taken over by a painting crew AND Eve will be here before we know it!

I have to chuckle at the bravery it took to allow Ode into my heart. I must have known that she would lead me to big changes. Little did I know!

~

This is one of the ways that Bravery pays off:

My (rather big) Be Brave Action of the day: Ask our landlords if we can adopt Eve.

Their answer: a resounding YES!!

I'm gonna be a new dog-mama!!! :)

I'll be sending out baby announcements soon. She won't be "delivered" by her Fairy Dogmother until later in the week. I can hardly wait! This really feels too good to be true. I look forward to writing more about her very, very soon. I am simply beaming. :)

~

Meet Eve.

On July 21st, the very first day of recommitting to the Be Brave Project, I met a woman who has changed my life forever. Her name is Marilou. I could not have known at the time of scheduling an appointment to meet for coffee that this would be the outcome. Although I have not known her for long, we know each other well and have connected on a very deep level.

Some of the very first words out of Marilou's mouth was the story of Ode. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure we completely skipped the standard "hello-how-are-you-nice-to-meet-you" part of the conversation and just dove right into a friendship that feels like it is going to last a long, long time.

On Thursday I had the honor of helping Marilou celebrate her birthday AND meeting Ode (pronounced O-Day). I've written about Ode's story here. Since hearing her story, the direction of my pet portrait business, Stray Dog Arts, has been altered forever. From the very beginning I've wanted my work to benefit animals in need, but up until now I did not know how I could go about doing that.

When I began the Be Brave Project last October I had no idea what direction I was headed in. At the time I was feeling very lost and without a real sense of direction. That is part of the reason I decided to Be Brave in the first place. At the time I thought it was about finding a better paying job. Oh! But now I know that was only a teeny-tiny-little bit of it! What manifested for me because of the Be Brave Project is something that was beyond my wildest dreams. Being Brave led me to my truest self. It led me to create Stray Dog Arts.

On Thursday I met not only Ode, but Ode's incredible foster family as well. Ode is so full of energy and spirit! She is a warrior girl, without a timid bone in her body. It is so incredible to see a puppy who has been through so much...be so happy. I am grateful for Mary and her family for fostering Ode back into not only physical health, but emotional health as well. If Mary is not able to adopt her, then I know someone else will. Ode is destined for greatness wherever she goes. She will be an adoption success story to the Nth degree.


There was another puppy that was rescued from Red Lake at about the same time as Ode. Her name is Eve. Eve is being fostered alongside Ode and they have become, much like Marilou and I, fast friends.

I fell in love with Eve.

Yes, that's her at the top of this post. She is a nondescript little black dog. She's also crawled right smack dab into the softest part of my heart. As hard as I try, I cannot seem to get her out.

To be honest, I feel like a bit of a weakling. I went with Marilou to meet Ode in order to get to know her and take some photos for a portrait I will be painting of her. In the process, I met Eve. This was the first of probably many photo shoots for the portraits I will paint of stray and rescued animals. Obviously, I can't go around adopting all the incredible dogs and cute puppies that I meet. I feel like I need thicker skin for this job--yet, at the same time, I know it is my thin skin that makes me good at what I do.

I should point out that I passed up many, many, many wonderful dogs before finally adopting Louie. I might have a soft heart for animals, but I also know that I need to be wise about the choices I make. Eve, on the other hand, perhaps proves this otherwise. There is a whole world of black dogs out there that will never get adopted simply because they are black. It is truly unfortunate, but often black dogs are invisible dogs. Eve, however, is nowhere near invisible--not to me, anyway.

Being a renter, already with 4 animals (2 dogs and 2 cats), I have resigned myself to the idea that I WANT HER!!! Even so, I am not sure that my landlord will agree to the actual having. If my landlord says no then I don't want Eve to miss out on an opportunity to be adopted while she is in her most adoptable state: puppyhood. She is scheduled to be at an adoption event today and I am absolutely terrified that someone else is going to bring her home! I also know that, if that happens, it was meant to be and, even if my heart gets broken, I would be happy for her.

If she is still available after today, then I am going to BE BRAVE and ask my landlord for permission to adopt her. My heart feels like it is on stilts.

Yesterday morning, as I drove to a photoshoot appointment, I think that meeting Ode and Eve finally hit me. To be honest, it hit me pretty hard. It felt like the valves of my heart were being compressed and flattened. To breathe was to threaten an entire flood of tears. Ooooh, this is some heavy stuff I have gotten myself into. It is also some of the most fulfilling work I have ever done. Although I will continue to do commissioned pet portraits, I will be gearing my artstic efforts towards helping to raise funds for rescue.

One of the portraits I've decided that I want to paint to raise black dog awareness is Eve's. I cannot imagine how hard it will be to paint her portrait if she is adopted by someone else. I fall in love with the animals I paint--all of them. But Eve...she has already become my little muse. These magnificent dogs...this is only the beginning.

But I'll tell you...I want Eve to be with me for the duration of the journey.


Please visit Pet Haven, the rescue organization who has helped Ode and Eve if you would like to make a donation to help other animals in need.


(More photos of Ode coming soon!)
(Thank you, Marilou, for capturing this photo of Eve and me.)
~

The Magic Planner.

Meet my magic planner.

I've been trying to write about it for the past 4 days. It was a Be Brave purchase that I made last week in an attempt to organize my life. By golly, I think I've even figured out a system!

Unfortunately, I haven't scheduled in enough time for blogging, hence the late introduction.

Not only does it temper the chaos in my life and help me to keep track of myself and valuable information, it also has space to journal, explore values and goals, and set priorities. Ah, now that's what I was looking for!

I love my new planner. Seriously.

~

morning reprieve.

I woke up early this morning because my pup/dog, Louie, has a case of itchies that have made it difficult for him to sleep. Poor boy. We think it is allergies, something triggered by our trip up north, but we're giving it time to see if it will work itself out since we have brought this sensitive boy to the vet more times than we can count in this first year of his life. Leave it to me to adopt the "sensitive"dog. The one that is prone to infections and is devastated when left alone, even if only for a short bouts of time.

Then again, his sensitive nature is also what I love so much about him. I have never, in my whole dog-loving life, met a dog that was so good at snuggling. At the moment, after being rubbed down with something to relieve the itch, he is back in bed with my husband, his muzzle resting gently on V.'s neck and a leg thrown over his shoulder. Truly, this is love at its finest.

Even though the sun had barely risen when I first got up, it was so beautiful that I decided not to go back to bed. Never mind that it's Sunday. I committed to my "awakeness" by brewing a pot of coffee. I love that bubbling, brewing sound when the rest of the world is still asleep. As I waited, I reminded myself to do this more often. The air is warm. There is a soft breeze ruffling the leaves of the trees. My wolfie girl, Anu, stretches, reaching for kisses. Birds chirp and holler. The cat, Viscosa, sits in the open window taking it all in as though these morning movements are the most amazing things she's ever seen. And she's right.

Today is not like any other.

Today is a good day to enjoy going out for breakfast with my husband and then to an art fair and maybe even to an outdoor market. It's a good day to dream and paint and read the most inspiring book (still just a manuscript, but destined for greatness) that I have ever read. It's a good day to think about my friends--both old and new. It's just a good day to simply live from my center--however that ends up manifesting itself.

Some days, like today, I feel like there is so much life to be lived. I got up early because I decided that I didn't want to miss any part of it. Anyway, these quiet mornings are beautiful. Even the constant hum of the freeway has gone hushed. Since first awakening, the sky has been transformed into a perfect layer of clouds--a tinge of pink and orange still filling the air, causing the grass and sidewalks to glow, ever so slightly. The cloud cover offers a perfect reprieve from the heat and hectic pace of the days leading to this one--and, for this, I am grateful.

Today I love my life. Really, truly, and completely. Sure, things could be easier...but then good might not feel this good.

love to you, dear friends.
j.

~

Savor.

("O" is still a work in progress)

At the moment I am sitting up to the old wooden table in the back yard. Louie is laying at my feet chewing on a stick and Anu is laying in the shade enjoying soft summer breezes. Actually, all three of us are enjoying the breeze--immensely. I'm sick of summer heat and even the slightest relief from it makes me incredibly happy.

I have a freshly brewed cup of coffee made from deliciously fresh roasted Ethiopian coffee beans in my favorite red and brown ceramic mug. I've had this mug for 14 years. Me and this mug have gotten to know each other well.

I really don't have much to say except that I will continue work on the Alphabet commission today and plan to finish it by Sunday. Ahhh, yes, a long awaited accomplishment. This morning, the woman who commissioned the piece came over with her partner and assistant to see it for the very first time. I'm not sure if that counts as doing my one scary thing for the day, but I am sooooooo relieved to say that they love it! I have to admit: I'm loving it, too.

The first half of the painting process, I spent a lot of time and energy being worried that they wouldn't like it or that it wouldn't turn out like they were imagining. The second half of the project I spent a lot of time and energy feeling bad that it has taken me so long to get it done. I threw in a lot of extra work that I hadn't planned for, including: a half dozen portraits, designing a line of cards, a butt-load of marketing, a call for dogs, a large number of photoshoots, a lot of emails and phone calls, a couple of events, a show, and plenty of the unexpected. All said, I am happy with the amount of work I've accomplished in the past 3 months. I've been telling people that I'm busy working on this alphabet commission for so long now that I'm starting to think that they don't really believe that I'm doing any work at all. HA! If they only knew.

Anyway, I'm excited about the possibilities of these letters. I have enjoyed painting each canvas much more than I thought I would. Somehow, this project became a meditation of color. It's given me space of mind to simply relax and savor color. My mind has been on overdrive lately which means that I am supremely grateful for anything that causes an internal state of quiet.

But the point of this post is not to tell you about the weather, my dogs, coffee, or what I'm working on. The point is to tell you that I did not do anything brave yesterday. That is, unless you count CLEANING THE HOUSE, which I did with amazing speed despite the level of chaos that had descended on it. Nothing like visiting clients and a visiting mom (who is on her way) to inspire a good dose of house cleaning! And, believe me, it needed it!

I've started to realize that it is very easy for me to get swept up in the daily busy-ness of my life and that, when this happens, there is not always room for intentional acts of bravery. But this, my friends, is dangerous territory. It has the potential to leave one sitting in a rut. Granted, every single day offers enough newness for me to consider at least one of my actions brave. This past month my life has been ON, amped to the max. I like it this way.

And so I ask myself:
What acts of bravery would I like to accomplish in the coming days and weeks?
here's the ever-evolving list that I've managed to come up with so far...

• purchase a new festival tent
• create another new line of greeting cards
• add several new designs to the existing line of cards
  (on-going project)
• purchase and learn Quickbooks
• open up a separate business account--it's time.
• get a handle on my personal finances--start keeping track of how much I'm spending and where I'm spending it and, from that, create a budget.
• tackle the chaos called: my office closet.
• create a resume for a business association that I've been invited to join.
• and a cover letter.
  
• learn more photography skills. Take a class?
• begin work on my "secret" project (it's only secret because it is still incubating).
• create a Be Brave link list--this is only scary because I'm afraid it will be an overwhelming task...but totally worth it. I want to create a space where Be Brave participants can find each other.
• go through the entire house and GET RID OF everything that does not currently serve me.
• and then sell it all in a big rummage sale! :)
• finish my website. It's been a work in progress for too long.
• continue eating well and working to lose weight. ...still in progress, but progress has been made! :)
  
• start exercising!
• get organized--ok...that is a totally abstract statement. This one is going to require some more in depth work.
• make an appointment to see a tax consultant. I need/want to learn more about how to direct my business taxes towards rescue organizations. I have no clue how to go about the ins and outs of small business taxes.
• ask for a discount for a bulk scanning order of paintings for fine art prints.
• call and ask for a lower interest rate on my credit card.
• continue to add images to my Flickr account and use it as a networking tool for Stray Dog Arts--this is something I started working on this week, per the lovely Thea's suggestion! :)
• create a wholesale order form and brochure for greeting cards.
• make a list of retail stores to send it to--nationwide.
• and then do it!
• *(remember to breathe)*
• meet Ode in person.
• begin a series of paintings to raise money for this rescue organization.
• touch up my hair--ugh. It's a mess.
• get a pedicure. My feet would seriously thank me. This might not be scary to some...but it isn't something I normally do and I'm realizing that the only reason I haven't already done it is that I am (truth be told) a little scared! :)- Funny how even life's little luxuries cause silly and unexpected fears to keep us from just doing it. Anyway, it's good to throw some enjoyable bravery into the mix once in awhile! Life doesn't always have to be hard. :)-
  
• participate at an event at the Renaissance Fair.
• begin work on a horse portrait--my first!
• find a packaging supply company that carries inexpensive boxes (ect.) suitable for paintings and prints. Shipping costs SCARE me! Does anyone have any suggestions???
  
• attend a motivational conference (next Wednesday, I'm already signed up)--something I've never done before!

Holy crap...do you see where this is going? There is no end to the possibilities! When I'm feeling tired or not-so-brave this list will be here to help remind me where I want to go. Next time I'm not sure what brave action I want to take on, I can always come back to this list.

Now I invite you (no, I DARE you) to make your own list! What's in store for you? I'd love to hear about it. ;)

ONE THING: BE BRAVE!!!

~

Ode stole my heart.

Ode. Pronounced O-Day. Meaning "heart" in Ojibwa.

I have fallen in love with this dog, Ode, so hard that I'm not even sure what to do. Every time I read an update about her, I am overpowered by such intense _________ (my god, there are not even words!). There's a reason why people associate the heart with love. My heart feels like it's going to turn inside out, sit down in front of me, and then burst into a thousand tears. The particles of my heart feel squeezed, pulled, under pressure.

Really, I barely know how to make sense of the weight and rawness I feel surrounding the effect that Ode's eyes have on me.

Although I love dogs, I am also a bit guarded in my affection for them. I wasn't always this way, but when my soul-dog, Abe, died several years ago, my whole world fell out from under me. Because of him, I love more deeply. But since then, to really-truly-deeply love a dog feels like such a huge risk to me. Sure, I love all dogs, immensely, but I limit myself to a certain level--a somewhat safe level. I love my wolfie, Anu, and Louie beyond words. I've granted them special permission to take up residence in the deepest part of my heart. But to give my heart away, personally and specifically, to a dog I don't yet even know? To Ode?

Ode raises the bar. Not only on love, but life.

Why does loving Ode feel like such a profound act of bravery? Because I know that in loving her to this degree, my life can't help but be altered. There are probably a 100 people (ore more!) that are willing to adopt her. For this, I am grateful. But, me oh my, what will I do with her still in my heart?

Be Brave act {DAY 9}: CONTINUE TO LOVE ODE WITH MY WHOLE BEING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS BECAUSE OF IT.

**photo taken by Ode's foster mom, borrowed from here.**

read more about Ode's story here.

~

Be Brave: Week One in Review

Sheesh! Was that really the first week of recommitting to the Be Brave Project?

At the moment I am nestled in what I've come to term as my Sacred Space. That is, my bed. I've come here to regroup after a fairly intense week. Oh, but intense is something of an understatement.

I really wanted to make a tidy little list of all the scary things I've done this week. In doing so, I was hoping that it might be helpful to those individuals who are just getting used the idea of doing one brave thing every day. Sometimes it helps to have examples. Unfortunately, I am noticing that my life simply isn't submitting to a tidy bulleted list. Instead, my life feels more like an intricate wild mushroom design or a dandelion blossom gone to seed. You can make sense of that any which way that you would like...which is what I find myself trying to do as well.

I'm going to try for a bulleted list anyway and so here it is...

• Let me just say that my meeting earlier this week with Marilou of Pet Haven has very well altered the mission of Stray Dog Arts and quite possibly changed my life in the process.

• Started a painting to be exhibited in a show curated by the wonderful Kristine. And then finished it despite the fact that I'm not happy with the way it turned out. In the process, I learned that sometimes painting needs to be about more than turning out successful pieces. This time around, the act of creating simply helped me to listen to my heart. Somehow, I even managed to formulate an artist statement to explain my thoughts behind it.

• Said no to a freelance opportunity that didn't fit me. This is a giant step away from the feeling of desperation that would have otherwise caused me to agree to the job, even though my intuition was telling me otherwise.

• Attended a dog event at a local retail store that is carrying a line of my cards for the sake of networking. Even though I'm a fairly outgoing person, mingling with a crowd full of strangers takes an incredible amount of energy for me, but I'm glad to say that I repeatedly put myself out there and met some really wonderful people in the process.

• Had several successful photo shoots and, in the process, am learning that I love working locally since it allows me more artistic freedom and the opportunity to paint from my own photos if I so desire.

• Had a week filled with several meetings that I am absolutely excited about the potential that can grow from them--each for different reasons.
  

• Declined an invitation to another networking event that I didn't feel would truly serve me. I was afraid I might hurt or offend the person who invited me. But this week I've learned that the things I invest my energy into need to hold meaning for me. I only have a limited about of time and energy. How do I want to use that energy? I've learned that when I am uncertain about what I should do, all I need to do is ask myself: "Does it hold meaning for me?" To make meaningful decisions doesn't mean that I have to be serious all the time. Heck, sometimes plain ol' fun is a good enough reason to do something. But I was exhausted and this particular event just wasn't me at all. Thankfully, the woman who invited me was totally understanding.

• Cut back to ONE day a week at the garden shop--this is a compromise that, at the moment, feels good to me. I'll help them see their going out of business sale to the end--and hopefully get more of my own work done in the process.

• Brought my laptop in and GOT IT FIXED after the poor thing had been sitting dormant on my desk for the past two months. I am currently snuggled up in bed with it right now. :) I was afraid that it would no longer be covered under warranty and this alone had kept me from even checking on it. How silly is that? My warranty doesn't expire until 2010!

• Applied for a local dog event. Simply applying isn't what scares me so much as the application fee. It's not hugely expensive, but when I add it to all my other expenses it is a bit nerve racking when I'm not sure if the money will continue to be there. Strangely enough, an unexpected check showed up in my mail box the very same day! I'm not even making that up!!!

• Ok, this one is kinda a big deal to me...but I lost 5 pounds! I have been wanting to lose the extra weight of grad school ever since I put it on. As I find myself moving into this newly self-created life I finally feel ready (and more determined) to actually succeed at my attempt. All I've done is completely cut simple carbohydrates out of my diet. Mind you, this has not actually been an easy task. My husband is Italian, after all! Not to mention I LOVE bread...and pasta and chips and crackers and... But I am amazed by how many healthy alternatives there are.
  

• Went shopping for some new clothes. The ones I have are horribly faded and worn out. I needed something for Friday's event. Feeling stressed and with very little time, I would have liked to skip the whole endeavor...but I also needed to do something to feel better about my physical, tangible self. I tried on several outfits that looked fine and were inexpensive. I stood in the 3-way mirror looking at myself and questioning the outfit. I asked myself: "Do you really like it? Or are you just considering it because it covers up the parts you don't like?" That question, my friends, was a revelation! I put the outfit back and decided on 2 pieces that truly made me feel good.

• Took some time to myself--right now--because I really, really needed it. I have so much painting to do...and yet, setting my perpetual fear of "falling behind" aside, I know that I need this moment of PAUSE in order to refuel so that I might actually get some real work done.
  

Well, that was my week in a short and condensed nutshell! It sort of feels like just the tip of the iceberg. There are a lot of things going on inside of me right now that I don't quite understand yet. It is as though there is a very fine string unraveling before me. I don't know exactly where it is leading me, but what is important right now is that I allow myself space of heart in order to follow it. If I don't, the string might break and I will lose my way. However, the fact that I've found this string at all is something I feel profoundly grateful for. My faith in grace, authenticity, success and growth feels stronger these days. I don't have any monetary reasons to feel that way--I just do.

What about you? I want to hear more about your week, too.

~

don't give up

Yesterday, after a full morning of running around like a crazy person, I decided to treat myself to an hour at an art-filled coffee shop that I've always wanted to visit. I had an overdue artist statement to write for Kristine's show out in California and, with a long to-do list ahead of me, was desperately seeking enough breathing space to let the rather complicated thoughts untangle themselves into words.

I ordered my drink (an iced coffee) and asked where the restroom was.

The quiet, but smiling barista: Under the stairs.

Me: (as though this might be some sort of magical place) Where under the stairs?

The quiet, but smiling barista: Go down the stairs (he points to a dark corner) and take a right at the flashing red star.

Oh, well OK. Down the dark stairwell I went. The walls and floor were painted deep shades of red and black--cavernous, in an old building sort of way--rough stone arched doors leading in all sorts of directions. But then I spotted the flashing (more like pulsing) star, in the deepest corner of darkness, and there it was: the restroom, in all its graffiti glory. I shut the door behind me and, well...as you can see, I couldn't help but take a photo.

don't give up

Let me just say that those were, by far, the best directions I received all day.

After returning to a sunlit world and retrieving my iced coffee from the counter, I went and sat down on a couch in the corner of the room, opened up my (now fixed!) laptop, tried to breathe, and then get to work.

Unfortunately, my mental clock was ticking, music was playing, and an acquaintance had just sat down across the room from me. I was trying to explain my latest painting, "Modern Day St. Francis," in as few of words as possible. It is the painting that I began on the first day of the Be Brave project. An image of a homeless man with two dogs. The reason I painted it is because, these days, I find myself frequently drawing inspiration from St. Francis. Mind you, I'm not affiliated with any particular religious organization, but he is one guy that I have always admired.

The painting didn't turn out nearly as good as I had hoped it to. Actually, I am not sure that I've ever painted anything in such a short amount of time. I've been being very judgmental about this piece, but the truth is that, even if it's not very good, spending time with this painting has served a very deep purpose for me, as it helped me to decide what is most important to me. He reminds me that if I walk through my life authentically, the rest will fall into place and I will be taken care of.

My time at the coffee shop was mostly unproductive. I had an event to attend later in the day and was beginning to feel a dose of nervousness and tension set in. To mingle and small talk with a crowd of strangers with the intention of "getting my name out" does not come naturally to me. I'm able to somehow pull it off--but, for me, these events take a huge amount of energy.

Happily, the event ended up being a wonderful success. I met a really incredible artist there who seemed to have even more self-doubt than me. It was interesting and I'm glad that I met her. She picked my brain and I was happy to share what I've learned. This is, after all, such a learning process. Even though we were technically each other's competition, I think we were both grateful that the other was there. We kept wandering over to each other to talk and, essentially, bolstering each others confidence.

I wanted to tell her: Don't give up! And, in doing so, I was really saying it to myself just as much as I was saying it to her.

Anyway, after a night of meeting many wonderful people and their dogs, this is what I ended up writing...

Artist Statement:
To live a purposeful and satisfying life takes great amounts of bravery. For me, that act of bravery was in taking the leap towards becoming a full time pet portrait artist. Recently, that leap has grown to include a commitment to helping abused and abandoned dogs. I must admit, though, that sometimes I get scared. Sometimes I worry about where the money will come from or if my ideas will be good enough or if the right people will find me. But over and over again, through painting animals, I am graced with opportunities that allow me to experience the deepest imaginable love. I can only describe that love as God Love. Pure. Egoless. Unconditional.

Of all the saints, St. Francis is my favorite. Since I was a child, his gentle love for animals has had a profound effect on me. When doubt starts to creep in, I think of him and am deeply inspired to continue with my work. “Modern Day St. Francis” represents the notion that—no matter how much or how little we have—we always have enough to give love. My painting is but a heartfelt gesture in celebration of the unconditional love, infinite happiness, and immeasurable comfort that our four-legged friends have brought to us.

~ ~ ~

And so here is a mantra for you, my Be Brave cohorts:

DON'T GIVE UP!

~

"Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage." ~Anais Nin

It's been a busy week filled with photo shoots and meetings.

When did my life become so professional sounding? Well, my new business-like vocabulary might still sound a little strange to me, but let me say: it feels wonderful. I love that being professional means that I go over to a client's house and, without hesitation, get down on the floor to make friends with their four-legged family members. Before I know it, they're absolutely basking in the attention of my camera. By the time I'm ready to leave, cats become exceptionally sleepy and dogs tend to take on a whole new aura of proud radiance. I've started to ask myself on a regular basis: Is this really my life?? Because I love it.

I've gotten to know some pretty incredible animals (and their people!) within the past week--2 huskies, a sheltie, a pug, a lhasa apso, a yellow lab, and 2 cats. I still have 2 more photo shoots scheduled, 2 dog events to attend, and will have met with 3 rescue organizations before the week's end.

I think it's safe to say that my business is taking a turn for the positive.

It seems absurd to me that it is only Day 3 of the Be Brave project (well, Day 4 since it is hereby past midnight). Holy taledo. This has been a pretty intense past couple of days! As for bravery, it seems like just about every single thing I do requires some level of courage. Maybe it's just because I'm getting a bit tired (fatigue seems to have a wonderful way of taking the edge off), but I've noticed that I am able to walk into more and more situations with a lot more confidence. Or, at least, I no longer feel nervous about things that would have caused me to feel a certain amount of anxiety in the past.

Strangely, my biggest act of bravery today wasn't about doing something new, rather, letting go of something that I have out grown: cutting back my hours, once again, at the garden shop. You see, while I was on vacation I spent a lot of time thinking about how to handle the uncomfortable situation of trying to run a business while still trying to hold a part time job. I've been wanting to quit in order to focus my energy on Stray Dog Arts...but it's been crazy there, but we'll only be open for another month, but we're understaffed, but my boss injured her arm, but she needs my help, but I don't want to leave her hanging...but, but, but...there's always a but. And, in the meantime, I've been starting to feel absolutely fried.

Turns out, it was easy and all I had to do was say: I'm sorry, but I can't continue at this pace. What can we do to solve this? I said I could be available one day a week. I let her decide what day that would be. For some reason I was scared to say something, but I forced myself with numerous nudges and finally spoke up. I feel a sense of relief because, really honestly, the actual doing is rarely as difficult as we make it up to be.

Before I know it I will be fully and completely self-employed. I can't tell you how happy that makes me feel. Not to mention, my work (of painting) has taken on an entirely new depth of meaning. I'm still getting the logistics formulated in my head, but I can feel the necessary details starting to fall into place.

One thing I do know is that my painting has taken on a whole new level of freedom.

Bravery is quickly becoming more than just doing one thing every day that scares me...it is becoming a way of life. Is it really only Day 3? Sometimes it's harder not to be brave. Or as Anais Nin once wrote:

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

By the way, look at how well this BRAVE SPIRIT is doing. :)

*photo is of Talie, a 14 year old Sheltie. 100% love and dignity.

~