Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Starting over.

When I opened my eyes this morning I looked out the little window above our bed and saw blue sky. I felt my breath catch in a sleepy sort of way as it registered in my mind: oh, beautiful blue sky. We have not seen much of that color around here all spring. So I laid there for a moment and decided in my mind that today is a good day to start over.

Yesterday I cried all the tears that needed to be cried, I took a nap because I was exhausted, and later I packed up my office. Moving out of the office was sad and exciting all at once. As graduate assistants we're each given a corner in a miniscule windowless room. But my office-mate and I made it comfortable and inviting (I had the best office-mate ever!). It was a safe, quiet place in the universe that kinda became my second home--especially last year when I had a long commute and not enough gas money to drive back and forth to school. After all of my stuff was out I stood in the dark doorway and said: "Goodbye office." ...and it was sad because I'm (temporarily) leaving something I love (teaching) and exciting because I can't help but wonder where I might find myself down the road.

So today is my day of starting over. I'm going to rearrange my writing room--out with the homework energy, in with the creative energy. And after typing in the heading of this post, I realized it's not the first time I've felt this way. Rearranging furniture and clearing out mental clutter seems to be a repeating pattern in my life.

This summer (no, actually this year!) I'm going to write like a maniac. It is, starting now, my number one priority. And finally, my writing is going to be for me. Good god, I feel giddy with anticipation!!! There is a maple tree outside my window just now starting to leaf out. The yellow-green against the blue sky and a strong breeze is refreshing.

And thank you for all of your kind comments yesterday. These little deaths are hard...but then again, I wouldn't trade the writing life for anything.

5 comments:

Amber said...

I hate to quibble with you, but I'm pretty sure I had the best office-mate ever.

paris parfait said...

Hey Jessie, congrats on beginning your "new" life! Undoubtedly, lots of fantastic adventures ahead. And I don't know if you got my previous comment, but I've tagged you to participate in the "five things" writing exercise. You might also want to participate in the "I do; I don't" one - I figured you're too busy, but go for it if you have time. Maybe not the most exciting writing task ever, but fun! Please see my site. - Tara

Jessie said...

heehee--amber, you're funny. i think we lucked out getting assigned and office together--I feel like I got a life-long friend out of the deal. :)

paris parfait--I'm on it! :)

HoBess said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog ... I'm still trying to catch up with everyone. I'm so glad you've seiezed today! Have a great time rearranging your writing room. Rearranging is always a great source of new energy for me. Might I suggest Eric Carle's "A Home for Hermit Crab"? Any time I find my urge to clear and rearrange odd I think of this book and how we all need a new shell, a fresh start every so often. Smiles and hugs to you ...

megg said...

Hey! Congratulations on your new start and your decision to write - so many wonderful things are going to happen for you this year - I just know it! xo