Monday, October 09, 2006

Declaring war against myself.

There's been a mutiny. My body hates me and I hate my body.

It is fall. My favorite season of the year. And I've spent nearly the whole time being sick. The last couple weeks it was just a cold--sore throat, sinuses, lungs that feel like they weigh a hundred pounds. My walking has been cut sadly short because of these things...but, last night, the revolt turned serious. The Flu. Full on.

I had to call in sick to work. Actually, I had to call every single person that works at the bookstore and tell them my pathetic story just so that I could UNsuccessfully find someone to work for me. There I was standing in the kitchen, practically laying across the counter in a cold sweat, making phone call after phone call nearly in fever delirium tears and thinking "ahhh god, somebody shoot me!"

I've been in bed the entire day. A small bowl of miso soup and a handful of buttered saltines later, I still feel like shit. Oh poor, weak me. What is going on??? I realize that people no longer believe me when I say that I NEVER get sick, but it's true...or, at least, it used to be. I'd blame it on stress, but for the first time in forever I don't actually have any. Or maybe that's the body saw an opportunity to reak havoc on me--and took it!

Ugh. I haven't even had a cup of coffee today. Now THAT's bad.

The other thing that I'm wondering is exactly when my blog became a space to whine about my physical ailments? I'm sure that there was something much more interesting I was going to write about...but it seems to have escaped me. If my brain worked, maybe I'd write a poem about being trampled my a thousand horses.

As it looks like I'm just gonna have to go back to bed. Too bad. Those leaves covering the lawn look so wonderful. And Anu, laying in the middle of them, looks so snuggly.

I can only hope that my next post will actually have something interesting to say.


Anonymous said...

okay. you're sick again. that stinks a whole lot of poo.
but, i think you're right, sweetie. stress is a defense mechanism in a lot of ways - it won't let the body get sick until the "threat" (of whatever) is over. now you're not stressed, but you were A LOT stressed for a LONG time, so it makes sense that you are a lot sick now.

i'd come cuddle, but i need to find out how much tickets are to minneapolis first.

take care of yourself. sleep. and don't worry about what you use your blog for - it's lovely whatever you write because it's you writing it.


sophie said...

Jessie - your body broke down
because it needed rest and
has been in "fight" mode
probably for awhile.
Now you can relax it KNOWS!!!!

I owe you an e-mail but i have
been in such a funk -
I will write one tonight!!!

take care:)

kj said...

jessie, the best thing about your blog is your willingness to be where you are and write about it. so if you're sick, you write about being sick. that's how it works. and that's why your blog is so excellent.

please let yourself be sick long enough to get well....

Kristine said...

I agree with sophie! Your body is probably relieved that it can finally let down it's guard. Take care of yourself and let go of all of the inner scolding, the I don't get sick and why is this happening talk. Good thing is that you don't have to try to get people to cover you at two jobs! ( Yay- no more flower shop!) Just rest and allow your body a chance to heal.

Loralee Choate said...

K, so everyone said it better, so I will just give my comment its own, special, Loralee touch:


Hope it helps.


liz elayne said...

sweetie, take care of yourself. keep eating miso and drinking tea and sleeping. you have to get better...

and you can write about whatever you want. we will keep stopping by to see what you are up to...

love and hugs,

Amber said...

Maybe you're sick because you work around kids. Love 'em, but they leave traces of disease from their mouths and noses on everything they touch.

Hope you feel better soon.