ah, I've missed writing. Tonight the world feels peaceful. As though there has been just too much pain for one week. So many deaths, not only in Red Lake, but aquiantances too. All young people.
But tonight the moon rises, held just above the horizon as big as I've ever seen it, pale orange. Deer running in herds, another standing quietly out on the frozen swamp. For just a moment--peace. The world around me feels tired. But now it is time to just be. To breath, to listen to silence, to take in the beauty that surrounds. The moon tethered by invisible strings, held close, as if for comfort.
I find myself wanting to do nothing else other than sit deep inside myself. To write, to paint, to think. It was a warm and sunny day this morning in class. With half the students gone, we aborted mission and just talked. For nearly 45 minutes we just talked about writing. I didn't care that people were gone. The small class was nice. It felt good to have a conversation. Not to lecture, not to be separated by my position at the front of the classroom.
Next week I will be meeting with the Voyager highschool students in my studio. They are learning about the creative process and thier teacher decided that the best way for them to learn about it is to talk to artists. So next Wednesday that is what I'll do. I'm looking forward to it and am honored to have been asked. This, and an upcoming show (next week), has made me realize how much I've been away. What is creative process? It means being involved in your art. It is making it a part of your everyday life. I have been away and miss what happens with complete devotion... the way my mind works-- the way thoughts settle, and come naturally. It is an active, yet peaceful state of mind. I look forward to talking to a group of young people about creating art-- especially a group of highschool students whose education supports such notions.
The opportunity to talk and to be part of another show has reopened my eyes to the necessity of creation in my life. I have not allowed myself the space to write creatively or to really involve myself in a painting from beginning to end in many, many months. Yet it is what makes me happy, it is what makes me a better person, and it is what will make me a better teacher. To live from the center. That is the only way I know how to make the world a better place to live.
My monkey mind has begun to eat me up. But my dreams lately have been filled with a need to return to the creative. Like I talked with a friend about the other day... doors open up when you are ready. I've been away from myself-- and now I am ready to return.