Wednesday, April 18, 2007

garden shop life.

At the moment, I'm sitting in a room that I don't spend nearly enough time in: the bedroom. I've picked up the random scattering of clothes, fluffed the covers and made the bed, turned on lamps, and have a too-weak cup of coffee sitting on the shelf next to me. The blinds are cracked open just enough so that I can see the black silhouettes of trees and not-yet-leafed-out vines that drip over the edges of the windows. The sky has turned dusky lavender and orange. My old cat has traveled all the way up the stairs just so that he can hang out next to me. In his old age he acts more like a dog than a cat--following me everywhere, trailing behind me from one room to the next--that is true love.

I spent the day working outside. Yesterday, too. And the day before that (ok, you get the point). Not only have I been working outside, but I've been working hard. I've been hauling cast iron pots, potting soil, and stone Buddhas all day long. I rake and set up water fountains and break down boxes and move ceramic pots that weigh more than me. I carry an oversized watering can with me everywhere. It is the sort of work that makes me feel worn out at the end of the day--but in a good way. My skin feels tight from the sun and I have an unfamiliar reserve of energy from all the exercise I've been getting.

I've been more efficient lately, and resting better, too. Sometimes those old panicky feelings sneak back in, but the days I work the hardest, the smaller they become. I feel strength returning in a way that I have not felt in a very long time. I feel it in my arms, my legs, my lungs--but best of all, I feel it in my heart.


bella said...

My goodness girlfriend, what an inspiration you are to me. I can just imagine how cozy and zen like the final look will be.
I'm so glad that all of this work has brought you inner peace. You are such a sweetheart and I'm glad you're feeling good.

bee said...

dragging stone buddhas? LOL

thich nyat hanh would be very proud of you, jessie-kun.

i feel like yoda.

you are so wonderful, sweetie...i love that you feel your heart growing stronger. (hugs)

Paula said...

Great to see you so positive. :)

Kristine said...

All of this sounds refreshing to me - the achiness combined with a sense of accomplishment - Ahhhh...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Jessie, what a fabulous way to describe your view. I can see it as you did, in my mind. You captured it with words.

Hey isn't it grand...when I work in the gardens I feel as if I have accomplished so much and the feeling rushes throughout my body and I can't help smiling.

I do have to watch the workout though. Sometimes my blood sugar drops too low. Diabetes sucks. As mother was, sisters and me are as well. You make me laugh at times when I am sad. Thank you.

Melba said...

If this rain ever stops I need to get outside too...and feel a reserve of energy.


Anonymous said...

This is great to read.
All the fresh air and sunshine is so so so good for you.
And exercise/hard work always balances out my seratonin levels or something, leaving me with a serene calmness and feeling naturally sleepy at bedtime.
P.S. I could never lift all those heavy objects, whew!
And your bedroom sounds alot like mine!

eb said...

me and my doxie Luna climbed a small mountain - more like a big hill - today - so great to get out after such a long cold season - your hard work sounds great - stay strong

xox - eb.

Riggwelter said...

Good to hear you are feeling positive, sounds like you have been having great fun.

The Dream said...

I want to work there, too!!!!
I just returned from kayaking and it felt GREAT - water, sun, and a sweet gentle breeze. It does wonders for my spirit.

Maddie said...

of course you felt it in your heart -

you have such a luminous heart -

i should pop over to see you and purchase a