Saturday, March 31, 2007

{Checking In} Week 6 of Finding Water

There are so many things that I've wanted to write about this week, but for one reason or another have neglected to do so. This week went by really fast yet, at the same time, it feels like this past Monday happened several weeks ago. Time, I guess you could say, has been playing elastic tricks on me lately. Now it is Saturday. Where do I begin?

morning pages
It is becoming habit to get up early and start writing. This week I wrote my journal pages 6 out of 7 days. I missed once only because, ummm....I was being rebellious. Artistic defiance, I guess you could call it. But in all reality it probably took more energy NOT to write my journal pages that day than if I had just sat down done them. I'm kinda stuck in a rut with my morning pages, yet I feel totally off-kilter when I skip them. And the rut? Well, lately I find myself writing the same things over and over and over. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that this "rut" is a result of my own incessant non-action (at least, when it comes to the things that matter the most). Week 6 is about "uncovering a sense of resolve." Cameron reminds us that "action is the key to success." There's only one thing left to do...and that is to TAKE ACTION. Damn. How scary is that? What if myplan totally flops? I've gotten very good at evading myself and the work at hand. I've been letting myself get distracted too easily. And, in the process, I'm finding that I do less and less of the things that make me feel better about myself.

Now that I've made it to the other side of Week 6, I guess there's only one thing left to do...and that is to get a whole lot more serious about my sense of resolve. So here it is--I'm going to put this out there and then try a fuck of a lot harder to hold myself to it...
I RESOLVE TO WORK ON MY THESIS FOR TWO HOURS EVERY DAY. NO MATTER WHAT. NO MATTER HOW I FEEL. NO MATTER WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON. NO MATTER HOW TIRED OR BRAIN-DEAD OR FRIED OR ANXIOUS OR DISTRACTED OR CRAPPY I FEEL. EVEN IF THE WEATHER IS PERFECT OUTSIDE--I RESOLVE TO SIT DOWN AND MOVE THIS PROJECT TOWARDS COMPLETION!!!

There. I said it.

I was going to write more...but, for now, I think I've already gotten myself into enough trouble.

g'night.
love,
j.

10 comments:

kristen said...

Good for you! You've inspired me to get off my bum and resolve to be present for myself, instead of making excuses.

melba said...

I am in a weird place tonight. all the sudden I feel so self conscious. I was hoping you posted just so I could feel your energy. Thanks.

:)

XO,
melba

The Dream said...

Go Jessie GO!
Taking Action - sometimes I dig in my heels and act like a two year old. It's all FEAR based. The moment I start doing and moving, Sloth disappears ...
Go Nike on it, sista!

Maddy said...

you said it sweetie!


:)

Olivia said...

You are absolutely right about action, Jessie...and the inertia of inaction.

I made a resolution myself yesterday about being more disciplined in several areas that I have let elude me, and have lost out in the process.

Have a wonderful week working on your thesis! I'll be thinking of you,

Olivia

Jamie said...

You can do it! Action makes room for the magic to happen.

kj said...

ok jessie. say, 6 days a week? or 5? but 2 hours a day.

...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Jessie...you are so cool! Those are two things I lean into passionately. Artistic defiance, I love rebels and a plan of attack. Kiss ass babes...and g'night to you too.

Becoming Amethyst said...

My thesis resolve is for one hour a day. I've finally admitted it is not the most important thing in my life, even if I feel it *should* be. Now it's slid down in importance I can actually *look it in the face* (if you know what I mean) and get on with it.

Congratulations on your shift in resolve ~ GO JESSIE!!!!

LauraHinNJ said...

Thanks for coming by my blog, Jessie! Your words are always so encouraging - thank you for that.

The last few weeks I'm finding the writing I do for Finding Water to be very, very personal and I've not shared any of it on my blog. I wonder if others are noticing that also? Wonder too why that it should be that way all of a sudden.