{Checking In} Week 4 of Finding Water

morning pages:
oy! i guess you could say that this week was (on a superficial level) not a good week for morning pages. i only did them 4 out of 7 days. i don't even remember why i neglected them last sunday, but i missed monday and wednesday because my niece and nephew got dropped off at our house in the wee hours of the morning on both of those days. i have renewed respect for mothers who are able to somehow fit in their morning pages everyday. (and speaking of) the issue of having kids has become a very big deal in my life these days. there is hardly a moment when i am not weighing the pros and the cons of whether or not or when to have kids of our own. i would like to write about this someday, but it is such a deeply personal subject to me. i wouldn't be sure where to begin... and anyway, i think i'm getting off topic here.

despite the lack in quantity, this week's morning pages have taken a turn for the positive. my thoughts have settled into a new rhythm and i've been reaching new depths in my journal pages that leave me, each time, with a new-found willingness to believe in myself and my work. having carried around so much doubt for such a long time, i am grateful for this turn of perspective.

i am beginning to believe in myself again.

artist's date, walking, and significant issues:
this week i went to a salon to get my hair cut and colored and then went shopping for a few new items of clothes that i would feel good wearing. i wrote about it here. i don't spend much money on myself in terms of appearance (i usually blow my money on good food, good coffee, and good books instead!).

this week, for me, has been about finding a balance between work and pleasure. i've been once again reminded that i accomplish more when i give myself a chance to truly relax and enjoy myself. this week i did exactly that by spending time to get my hair done (including an oh-so-luxurious head massage), going shopping, and taking several long walks down by the creek (with wolfie, of course!).

while walking i've been taking extra time to notice things like raccoon tracks along the water, the glint of ice and rushing currents, and the shifting colors of trees and old abandoned buildings. i took time to really look--and, in doing so, my old world turned into one discovery after the next.

oddly enough (rather, not-so-oddly), taking time to set everything else aside and just BE has brought a lot of organization into my life this week. this week i've managed to:

• deep cleaned almost the entire house
• do 5 or 6 loads of laundry
• clean out all the accumulated garbage in my painting studio--including mopping the floors!
• catch up on emails
• go through several stacks of paper work
• pay bills (this was a serious accomplishment!)
• send a package in the mail
• go grocery shopping
• thoroughly clean the laundry room (another serious accomplishment!)
• print out half of a ream of paper worth of writing (more on that later...this is another big deal).
• go on not one, but TWO photo shoots
• read and return several books i had on loan (for seriously too long) from the bookstore
• bought a paper punch and several 3-ringed binders for organizing my writing)

...yeah, you get the point. i took time AWAY from my work (writing) and then accomplished more in the end. why is this so hard for me to r-e-m-e-m-b-e-r??! i get so obsessed with accomplishing something that i (too often) don't get anything done. i think it's safe to say that this breath of motivation might have all started last week when i rearranged my writing room and put my desk a little closer to the window--right smack-dab in front of it, to be more precise. i needed a shift of perspective, and i got it. one thing has led to the next...but would i even be aware of this if i wasn't doing morning pages or going on artist's dates or taking extra long walks or doodling in my sketchbook?

i was worried that doing this book (Finding Water) would eat up too much time that i just don't have. but instead of my time being swallowed up by blog reading and navel-gazing, it seems that doing all of this has actually had the effect of creating time for the things that are most important to me (writing and painting). i feel my momentum starting to pick up speed and with it a belief in myself is beginning to return--one thing being connected to the next to the next to the next...

peace.

ps.
these photos are from the places that i walk.