I'm happy here. I love it in this city. But it's hard. V. and I spend a large amount of our time driving. Driving to work, driving for groceries, driving for this, driving for that. All of this driving sucks, I must admit. It's amazing how even the smallest errand can turn into a process that takes half of the day. And let's not even talk about the job scene around here...
Still, I love it here. I am still trying to formulate the words to describe how I feel living here; it's something I've been trying to do this since we our arrival. I want to drink in big gulps of this place. Even my skin tries to absorb as much cultural moisture as possible. The art galleries, the ethnic food, the lakes, the people...there is a richness of diversity here that I was so incredibly thirsty for. Right now, my bones and blood need this kind of place. So much so that there are days that I wish I could wrap this city around me like the blanket of rainy colored clouds that hang from the sky.
These days I find myself trying to get my head around something that I don't quite understand. Hell, I don't even know what it is, exactly, that I'm trying to get my head around. All I know is that my life seems to hold incredible amounts of unexplored territory. My problem is that I want to, at all times, live at the very outer edges of myself. But is that really a problem? I don't think so. The thing is that I've never been able to settle for mediocre. I like to invest myself completely in whatever it is that I am doing. I think the hard part these days, is that I'm not sure I know what I'm doing.
I don't know where I'll be next year, but I can't help but love the idea of throwing caution to the wind. Even though I wish I could have everything all at once and all at the same time, it's easy to imagine myself trading in this urban lifestyle for my flannel shirts, chopping wood and whale watching. All I know is that wherever I am, whatever I'm doing--I want to get started. I've been wishy-washing around in limbo-land for too long.
But right now I'm going to work from my center.
I am here.
This is my start.