After reading Mark's post, I started thinking about teaching and the ways in which my life has changed in order to bring me to this particular moment of this particular morning. I was noticing how the chill of autumn has seeped into the floorboards as I stood in the kitchen in my slippers about to make a cup of coffee. Anu was still sound asleep in her dog house, so there was no rush to take her for a walk. While waiting for beans to grind and water to boil, I opened the cupboard looking for a mug and ended up reaching for the one I drank out of while teaching. It is tall and skinny and has a path winding around itself that ends in glazed sky and blowing leaves. I've written about this cup before--it's the one I bought my first year of teaching because I thought it reflected the path I was about to embark on well.
Every day I miss teaching. Every. Single. Day. But every day I am thankful for the two years worth of experience that I did have. If I died tomorrow I'm pretty sure that I would be able to say that I've done all the things I've most wanted to do in life (but don't get me wrong--I'm not ready to leave my life just yet!). I've traveled, studied, taught, married... Maybe the only thing that is missing is motherhood. My point being: I've lived fully and am thankful for the things I've experienced beyond words. And it's strange the way all those little daily experiences have a way of snowballing themselves, accumulating and gathering force along the way, until they find you standing in the kitchen in your slippers holding a coffee cup while looking out the window at your sleeping dog and thinking: "wow. today is wednesday. how did i get here?"
I no longer carry my "teaching mug" between my office and the classroom, at least not these days. But I still have a cup (many, actually) that is half full. I am still learning, still deeply immersed in the school of life. I miss teaching. But I love the way it has brought a different kind of richness to my perception of things. These days, I suppose I could feel a little derailed from my purpose in life. But the funny thing is, is that I don't. Quite the opposite, actually. I look forward to someday teaching again...but in the meantime I can only appreciate the forest of possibilities that await me
every.
single.
day.
because, from where I stand, it's starting to look like a veritable jungle. Hello Wednesday.
4 comments:
this is a such a thoughtful post, jessie! sometimes i get caught in the trap of thinking i just landed where i am, so i needed this reminder that i have had a conscious role in getting to where i am (and remembering that at the moment, i am creating where i will be tomorrow and five years from now and so on...)
my pockets have been emptied of
all joy recently (silly love
nonsense)
but you remind me to fill them
up with gratitide:)
You are still a teacher to those who call you a friend like me. Your writing is so good I could hear your slippers shuffle, see you watching Anu and feel your appreciation for life. I want to write like this :)
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