After reading Mark's post, I started thinking about teaching and the ways in which my life has changed in order to bring me to this particular moment of this particular morning. I was noticing how the chill of autumn has seeped into the floorboards as I stood in the kitchen in my slippers about to make a cup of coffee. Anu was still sound asleep in her dog house, so there was no rush to take her for a walk. While waiting for beans to grind and water to boil, I opened the cupboard looking for a mug and ended up reaching for the one I drank out of while teaching. It is tall and skinny and has a path winding around itself that ends in glazed sky and blowing leaves. I've written about this cup before--it's the one I bought my first year of teaching because I thought it reflected the path I was about to embark on well.
Every day I miss teaching. Every. Single. Day. But every day I am thankful for the two years worth of experience that I did have. If I died tomorrow I'm pretty sure that I would be able to say that I've done all the things I've most wanted to do in life (but don't get me wrong--I'm not ready to leave my life just yet!). I've traveled, studied, taught, married... Maybe the only thing that is missing is motherhood. My point being: I've lived fully and am thankful for the things I've experienced beyond words. And it's strange the way all those little daily experiences have a way of snowballing themselves, accumulating and gathering force along the way, until they find you standing in the kitchen in your slippers holding a coffee cup while looking out the window at your sleeping dog and thinking: "wow. today is wednesday. how did i get here?"
I no longer carry my "teaching mug" between my office and the classroom, at least not these days. But I still have a cup (many, actually) that is half full. I am still learning, still deeply immersed in the school of life. I miss teaching. But I love the way it has brought a different kind of richness to my perception of things. These days, I suppose I could feel a little derailed from my purpose in life. But the funny thing is, is that I don't. Quite the opposite, actually. I look forward to someday teaching again...but in the meantime I can only appreciate the forest of possibilities that await me
every.
single.
day.
because, from where I stand, it's starting to look like a veritable jungle. Hello Wednesday.
5 comments:
this is a such a thoughtful post, jessie! sometimes i get caught in the trap of thinking i just landed where i am, so i needed this reminder that i have had a conscious role in getting to where i am (and remembering that at the moment, i am creating where i will be tomorrow and five years from now and so on...)
Beautiful post, Jessie - all those possibilities unfolding. Lovely!
my pockets have been emptied of
all joy recently (silly love
nonsense)
but you remind me to fill them
up with gratitide:)
You are still a teacher to those who call you a friend like me. Your writing is so good I could hear your slippers shuffle, see you watching Anu and feel your appreciation for life. I want to write like this :)
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