Wednesday, March 19, 2008

this is the real me

ok, i admit it. i was starting to feel bad about things. there was a lull in new commissions and i started to feel like i was a total failure and the whole plan to become a full-time artist was about to flop. yes, i have a tendency towards impatience. yes, it seems i have a flair for internal sorts of drama. yes, i had been spending way too much time worrying when i should have been simply enjoying...

because monday night i had my circe's circle call and afterwards a lot of things magically resolved themselves. it's sometimes weird like that, but is exactly what i am loving so much about our calls.

this week jamie had us do some humming and heavy sighing (well, that turned into heavy laughing on my end of the line!--the laughing, btw, turned out to be a wonderful release and just what i needed!). anyway, she had us draw an outline of our body and then fill it in with whatever we wanted. i love the visualizations and exercises that jamie has us do. without fail, i walk away with my mind blown wide open every time. afterwards, she asked us questions about our drawings and had us dialogue with the part that we were most curious about.

so here's my drawing in all its womanly glory...

head: overflowing, exploding, energized with a fountain of ideas

throat: the part i had a dialogue with. short, jagged purple marks. my picture was telling me that there is something that wants out, something that i can feel all the way into my throat...tears, laughter, words expressing the many emotions i've been feeling. these jagged little lines told me that through my full and complete expression i will make it past whatever it is holding me back. hence, i share this with you here and, already, i see that my throat was right.

heart: full, open, bursting. this, i feel, is truly the center of my drawing. this is where all things originate for me right now. this is my sacred center and it fills me.

arms: those squiggly green lines are energy...painting energy! my arms and hands can barely stay still because of their need to move and create. my hands are held behind me, exposing my chest, but opening my heart ever further. a vulnerable position turned into positive form of strength.

wrists: i used red because i felt like my wrists are important, valuable...and perhaps even a little vulnerable. same with my knees. i wrote "tender." for my job i do a lot of heavy lifting and, as warm weather returns, there will only be more and more of it. lifting a lot of cast iron, stone, ceramic, up and down stairs...this work feels like a threat to the long term strength of my body. i am wary of injuring myself. i am protective of my body as i grow these wings.

hips: ok, so i have hips and they are rather large. in this picture i have decided to love those hips. every last bit of 'em.

legs: orange "rods." i feel intensely rooted, grounded, solid in my connection to earth.

i also padded much of my body in a pink layer...softness, protection, self-containment and love. that purple dot in my belly is not my belly button. it's my core. solid, compact, deeply colored, circulating energy between my heart center and belly core and throughout the rest of my body.

i would write more...but this feels like enough for right now. i just wanted to share this with you...

...this picture of my truest self.



laundrygirl said...

This is pretty cool. It makes me ponder what my drawing would look like if I illustrated my truest self...

Colorsonmymind said...

Did I already tell you I absolutely love the new design. Fabulous!!!!

This is so insightful-the drawing the explanation.

You are such a spirit.

Interesting that I too have had the throat as an issue when I have done soul retrievals.

I wonder what sits there.

snuggles and smooches

Annie said...

You are doing such good work...Keep it up and you won't fail :-).

Amy said...

Inspecting your own body, we take it for granted so often. A very healthy thing to do. I look at my own, often. In wonderment. I have done so much with it. But, I have not always taken care of it. And , this poor little body has been threw alot.
I can without a thinking twice relate to the knees.
I am not a big person, and have done alot of standing and lifting.

Well, I am doing better about it all. I am doing yoga, much better.

Jessie, Thank You,
& Truely, Thank You for visiting my Blog.
I am so glad I found you , Amy

Jenn said...

What an awesome post. Sounds like drawing your body really helped you to tap into some great insights and powerful reminders. Thanks for sharing!

Amber said...

Loove it. :)

I AM going to have you paint Mickey Moomoo! I am taking a bunch of pictures, trying to get the right examples of him. He is so cute, and a little...goofy. lol! We think he had a stroke or something when he was born that makes part of his mouth a little wacky, and his tongue is often sticking out just a little, like he can't tell. It is so funny! But we have to have that in the painting, and so I am trying to catch it. ;)


caroline : my pocket said...

I made a self portrait like that once, my body telling me things I had no idea it/I felt. Love how yours is so detailed, the wrists telling their story. Beautiful you x