Monday, January 23, 2006

unhealthy thoughts...

Ok--so today is the big day--the day I start shaping up a life that's spiraled into a big, fat, smokey, sloppy mess. I am:
  1. quitting smoking (yes, again...for real this time) and...
  2. starting a diet (oh, i hate that word--ok, so what i meant to say is that i'm changing my atrocious eating habits.)
yay...good for me. except i'm not feeling as excited about it today as i was yesterday when i was still in the "planning" stages. i have these nicotine patches that i'm about ready to paste all over myself--aaaahhh! i put my first one on this morning and i swear to god it's making my heart beat faster which is only causing me to want a cigarette more!

as for the food bit--well, that i am completely ready for. i've gained 20 pounds in the last year and a half--20! i have a short list of things i can blame it on, but what it comes down to is that i am absolutely uncomfortable.

and why am i writing about all this? i have no idea--maybe to keep me from going next door and begging for a smoke. oh, and if i could have it my way--i'd spend this first week sleeping. i figure that's the best way to avoid self-conflict. too bad it's not an option. :|-

yeah...

4 comments:

Natasjia said...

I'm going to cut down --> quit, too. And I'm trying (again) to lose these last seven stress/birth control/medicine pounds. So, we can stand out back and be miserable together. =)

tara dawn said...

You definitely have more motivation than myself. Good for you girl! I'm cheering you on from my own disgustingly smoky and caloric place. Perhaps you will inspire me to get "healthy" as well!
Love and hugs!

Leah said...

*cheering in the balcony* you can do it!!!

be sure to be extra, extra, extra good to yourself...lots of little rewards. a bubble bath, a massage, a pedicure, a cool pair of earrings, whatever makes you feel great. :-)

Wenda said...

Making a public commitment was one of the strategies I used to quite smoking twenty years ago, too, and what helped even more than that was getting in touch with the anger I felt at being shackled by a package of cigarettes and tethered to a lighter.

Body weight and fitness, well, I guess I'm not angry enough yet.