Visioning.

I've been very focused these days (or, at least, trying to be). But, like most people, my life feels very hectic. Just when I think I've got my days organized in a way that will temporarily give me time to concentrate, it seems like the rest of the world comes knocking at my door. Everyone has a favor to ask of me or wants to stay with us for the weekend or is wondering if I can take on extra hours at work or... (yeah, you get the point). Hmmm...interesting. What's up with that? More times than not, I watch the time I had so carefully carved out for myself get swallowed up before I can barely blink. And so this is why I sometimes dawn my metaphorical blinders, hunker down, and try my best to disappear. It rarely works.

Right now, time feels especially sacred to me. There are days when I feel like I can hardly keep my head above the water (do I sound like a broken record?). But still, I try my best to listen to my instincts and keep my priorities clear. My attempts at staying focused have resulted in less blogging--both reading and writing. In some ways, this is highly unfortunate because there have been some really incredible things going on over at Create a Connection this month. I've wanted to participate more than I have...but the truth is that there is only so much time in the day and what I want more than anything right now is to finish my thesis. Go figure. Why does all the best stuff always happen at once?

Anyway, this afternoon I decided to take a break from writing and spend some time Visioning. There have been a lot of thoughts and half-formed ideas floating around in my head and sometimes making their way haphazardly into the pages of my journal, especially when I write my morning pages. These same thoughts have been lingering around the edges of everything--when I dream at night, or walk the dog, or work on my thesis, or do the dishes...

I feel like my life is headed in (an) unexpected direction(s). That is, I feel like it could, if I just let it.

Today, in response to Leah's invitation and Swampgrrl's recent post, I took some time and made a list of all the things that I envision for myself in the near future. Basically, I just wrote down all the things that have been swimming around in my head, those daydreaming thoughts, the ones that have been making themselves more and more apparent. For now, I've tucked that list safely away in the incubating pages of my journal where, during the dark hours of this morning, I wrote about how I am happiest when living to the very edges of my life.

*Hint: My list looked a little like this:


You see, I've wanted to teach for as long as I can remember. I've always known that is what I want to do. I did it and I loved it and I want to continue. And sometimes, when I listen really closely to the whispering of my heart, I hear it telling me to go off on my strange adventures and to follow those dreams that aren't going to lead me directly from point A to point B...because, if I do that, I will end up exactly where I want to be.

I have never doubted my purpose in life. But I am keenly aware of the ways in which each choice I make leads to the next, leads to the next, leads to the next (yes, there's that connection thing again). Each choice creates a reality and each reality creates more choices. I am creating my future. By limiting the vision of mySelf and my future I feel like I am also stunting my life's potential. I believe that extraordinary (and unexpected) things can happen--even when taking the most unlikely of routes (especially when taking the unlikely routes!). Anyway, my life was never meant to be typical (eeh-gads, I can't stand that word!). So I'm sitting here wondering: what would my life look like if I let go of my expectations of what I thought it would look like?

And you know what? When I pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that float to the surface with that question...

I kinda like what I see. :)