Saturday, November 04, 2006

street lights and moonbeams...and nothing I actually intended to write about...

I took Anu for a late night walk under the full moon. Now that the leaves have fallen, I love the way the Minneapolis skyline sparkles at night from the top of our hill. Pinpricks of light cluster on the horizon and rise into a black, starless sky.

As I walked, I leaned my head back to see the heavy orb of moon obstructed only by the limbs of knarly old oak trees--thick lines running through a cracked egg. And, at that particular moment, I felt myself planted firmly in two worlds--one of the city, and one of nature. I know I've said that before, but the balance felt good and so Anu and I started running...just for the sake of running. We carried an even pace (along with a few backsteps and sidesteps for fun) down the streets of our neighborhood and I liked the way it felt so we continued further than planned. Anu trotted ahead of me holding the leash gently in her mouth as I observed how beautiful she becomes when she's happy. We ran even further because I love the way we are able to communicate happiness through such simple action.

But, having just returned, I'm left with a question: why does running feel so much better when I don't plan it? hmmm...kinda like writing. I complicate these tasks with my own head whenever I set out to do them intentionally. It is when I try to get serious about these things that everything stops.

Why does that happen? And is there really such a thing as purposeful surrender?


Loralee Choate said...

When you have a burst of spontaneous creativity or productivity, you have a surge of desire to do those things. Your body and mind are telling you what they crave at that moment.

It is much more difficult to have the same level of enjoyment or excitement when you are scheduling a time do perform a task and expecting/hoping for your body/mind/endorphans to react the same way.

It can happen, but it's harder.

Anonymous said...

jesus, how did i miss this post?

of COURSE there is such a thing as purposeful surrender...oh, good lord. i love you, sister. the poignancy of this post is just hitting me wave after wave after wave, you know? i'm not sure i can articulate it right now, but i will have a discussion with you soon.

i need to learn this. thank you. thank you. thank you.