Friday, December 21, 2007

Metamorphosis.

I feel like I'm undergoing a serious process of metamorphosis these days. I went to get my hair done yesterday and, for the hell of it, decided to do something different (not to mention, dark hair wasn't really complimenting my lily white skin). Also, I've gone down almost 2 sizes in my clothes. From hauling Christmas trees? I don't know, but this new muscle gain feels good. Today, posting this photo of myself, I'm a little bit shocked by the amount of change that has happened, not only on the outside, but the inside too. Looking at myself right now I am feeling like these changes in my looks are a subconscious reflection the the serious changes within. I can't really explain it, but I am curious as to what sort of butterfly (or moth) might eventually emerge.

Something very exciting has happened this week and it's weird how one little event can cause a whole lot of other thoughts to come tumbling into focus. As you all can probably gather, I've been becoming progressively more unhappy with my work. I am so very ready to move on to the next stage in my life, but instead I keep running into frustrating dead-ends. The other day at work I felt myself spiraling into a horrible bout of negativity (which seems to be happening all too often lately), but rather than go down that road I decided I would sit down with my journal (it was slow at the time) and write down my top 5 dream jobs. For #1 I wrote: "Work with dogs; help them to live better lives." I wrote that first because it is what came to mind first and most strongly--and even though I was looking for something more "serious," I decided to try working intuitively rather than rationally. One thing I know about myself is that dogs make me happiest--so I wrote it down. The next night I dreamed that I got kicked out of class because I couldn't quit laughing. I went to sit outside of the school and, upon doing so, ended up watching a bunch of dog trainers with their dogs. That's when I realized that I didn't have to go back to anything if it didn't make me happy. This huge sense of FREEDOM opened up inside of me and it was like this incredible "ah-ha!" moment. Ok, that was a good dream (I wrote a better version of it here.)...but do you wanna know the kicker??

The very next morning (Wednesday) I got up to check my email and there was a message from a journalist for the New York Times with an interview request for a story on dog trainers. Yes, that's right...the NEW YORK TIMES!!! Ok, I nearly pissed my pants with excitement, but then my wariness over the internet kicked in and so I thought I better check her out and make sure she was legitimate before I called her. OY-YA!! Yes, she was legitimate...and so I called and was interviewed. I was nervous, but overlooked it because, really, how many chances does one get to be interviewed for the NYT?!

Here's the deal, I may or may not make it into her story (and if I do, I want a t-shirt that says "I was quoted in the NYT!!!"), but the important thing is that it set the ball in motion for something that has been tapping on my shoulder for a long time now. The universe has been, as a friend put it, banging me on the head with signs all along while I've been floundering around trying to make sense of my life. Needless to say, I've started checking into the notion of dog training. I've already even inquired into one job and certification. All of a sudden, everything seems so much easier! It's like: DUH!!

I kept seeing myself working in an office somewhere, wearing nice clothes, and perhaps planning/working on creative pursuits. Or maybe I saw myself working in an office doing something to help others figure out/navigate through their life. Maybe these things will actualize themselves in my life also, but I think that the real reason I kept imagining myself in a clean office setting wearing nice clothes is that, somehow, it represented something more respectable that the poor garden shop schlep that I feel like now. This, I see, is definitely the wrong reason to take a certain kind a job--especially if it doesn't really reflect my true self. Taking a job just to satiate my ego feels really, really misguided and, although I want to feel good about myself, I know the ego-road is not the one I want to walk.

One thing that an office job leaves out is my deep need for physical, outdoor activity. Sure, I could do it for awhile, but I'm afraid that it wouldn't be long before it started taking it's toll on me and my creative spirit.

Anyway, there are so many details that I'm leaving out about all the little things that have been leading up to this thought of pursuing a dog training career--but I'll have to save it for another day. All I know is that I feel good. I feel more hopeful. I even feel more beautiful, from the inside. You know, since Wednesday, my heart has had this weird "singing" feeling. Yes, it's weird and I'm sure it sounds cheesy. But I feel exactly like I did in my dream. My heart feels a little bit cracked open.

I don't know what's gonna happen, but whatever it is, it's really starting to shift more quickly now. I can feel it. In the meantime, keep an eye out for me in the New York Times!!!

20 comments:

Leah said...

holy moly, woman! what wild synchronicity! it made me giddy hearing about it all! wee!! love the hair woman! xoxoxo you go, sweetheart!

Kate said...

Jessie,

First I love the hair it looks great on you, second OMG how fantastic is this story. I love how the universe works sometimes. I can't wait to see the article, let us know when its out there.

Kate

rubygirl76 said...

first of all, i LOVE your hair!! you look amazing!! second of all, the dog training thing does not surprise me in the least bit (i've often thought about that career myself...especially while working on my diss! -- nevermind the fact that my dogs are not the most well-behaved; whatever). i think you would make a wonderful dog trainer and i think the universe is trying to tell you that very thing. :)

paris parfait said...

Yea, Jessie! You look beautiful - great hair. I'm so pleased the NYT called you for quotes. And I think you ultimately will find the path that makes you happiest, if you keep listening to your heart. Happy holidays to you and yours! xoxox

Olivia said...

You look fantastic, Jessie! Absolutely beautiful! And syncronicity is definitely working for you here...wow! I can't wait to hear what happens next! Love, O

Bohemian Mom said...

This is fabulous news!
Yippppie!!! for you!
You are an extremely talented writer and a down-to-earth doggie-soul lover. I'm not at all surprised the universe has arranged this project for you.
The NEW YORK TIMES!!!! It doesn't get any better than that!
Congrats...I am so happy for you. And you are absolutely adorable too! (Use that pic with your article!).

Patry Francis said...

Isn't it great that in the middle of your work angst you sat down and WROTE in your journal? Isn't it even more fabulous that the simple act of writing produced dreams and then hope, and then YOWEE, a call from the NYT?

The comment you left on my blog was spot on: Writing does make things better!

p.s. You are beautiful!

Melba said...

You look beautiful.
You Are beautiful!

I can so see you as a dog trainer...what a perfect career for you!
Yes the world is opening up because you are allowing it in.
Teach me oh wise one! ;)
XO,
Melba

Debra Kay said...

I just wanted to say hello and let you know we are in a similar spiritual place right now. I am working to be very mindful of any more career type decisions, because it's not just your "work" its a big part of how you spend your life.

Your hair looks great too!

Sharon said...

A new 'do' can always lift the spirits! And you look absolutely wonderful!

The dog-training also sounds great! With your love of dogs, and needing an 'active' type of job, man, sounds just up your alley!

I have a friend in Cal. who has two golden retrievers trained for 'search and rescue'. That is an interesting field to consider, also.

Jeppe said...

It seems talented people like yourself have so many options that the hardest part is figuring out which way to go.

laundrygirl said...

You look beautiful! It great to hear about all of the dreams and changes taking place. I am so inspired by what you have shared.

deelovelee said...

Wow! You know, they say that blondes have more fun... LOL. I just had my hair tinted a little lighter also. I love being blonde. Your hair looks great!
Great news and great possibilities. I love what I am hearing! xo

megg said...

Hey gorgeous!!

Oh, I love how your stars are aligning!! Keep us posted!

P.S. Happy holidays to you! I hope it is joyful and peaceful and magical!!

xo

The Dream said...

NYTIMES!!!!!! And doggies, too! WooHoo, Blondie!

kj said...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, jessie.

you and i are going to fly in 2008!!!

:)

Anonymous said...

YES!

YES!

YES!

Hot diggety DOG!!!

~bluepoppy

Maddie said...

I am singing for you Jessie girl!

And I will travel all the way
over to visit you when I get a new
puppy:)

You look so gorgeous and happy
in the photo ~

hugs! love you sweetie!

Vedrana M. said...

like your hair! :) xoxo

Colorsonmymind said...

Gorgeous girl you! I love the new do. It rocks. And congrats on the new clothes and size.

And the NYT?! Wowee the universe is working and how wonderful to see it happening.

Now I am embarassed to say I need your addresss for like the fifty millionth time-and I need to know if you would like a be brave ring instead of earrings. thea@theacoughlin.com

I can't believe it has taken so long for me to get them to you.

Blush.

Happy New Year love. You are inspiring and wonderful.
XOXOXO