Amazing. I find it hard to believe that we are already on to Week 8 of Finding Water. These pasts weeks I've felt like I'm running through water, my feet barely touching the bottom. It is an odd sensation--mostly a pleasant one, but a bit mind-boggling as well. There seems to be so much going on internally these days--it has been difficult to raise myself above the fog of my own mind.
morning pages and other significant issues
This past week I did my morning pages 6 out of 7 days. I was going to write about how absolutely ridiculous they've been getting. But then, just now, I looked back over my pages (I felt like I was cheating by doing this) and realized that there is so much more happening than I even realized. I wish I could write more about this here...but I feel that it wouldn't fair to myself to even try at this point. Today at work I was asking my boss about her other work and, on a side-note, she said something to the effect of: "Nothing ever turns out the way we expect it to--it turns out the way it's supposed to." Her words, although not exactly revolutionary, hit me with quite a lot of force. My life is in that in-between-place right now. I don't know how to explain that quite yet--and so I guess that the best I'll get out of myself at the moment are these little stops and starts. I'm just going to have to put my faith in the universe for now. Because, to be honest, I'm not sure what direction I'm going right now. For the first time in my life. I'm just not sure. All I can say is that I'm in the middle of it--of everything.
This week I didn't go on an artist's date, but I'm going to cut myself some slack and go on one tomorrow (Sunday). Between the major change in my work schedule, V.'s b-day, and getting the car broken into and my purse stolen, it has been an exhausting week with very little free time. Of course, exhaustion and lack of free time is no excuse for not going on an artist date. Nor is lack of money or transportation. I am suffering from the desire to blame my artist's datelessness on all 4 of these excuses. But I will resist the temptation and take my $11 in quarters, the car while I'll have the chance, and DO SOMETHING tomorrow. But what? I don't know. If I could do anything at all I would buy myself a nice long massage (I've never gotten a professional massage before, but have always wanted one). Unfortunately, my lack of purse and wallet won't allow it. My muscles are stiff and sore and, due to my "new" job (which requires a lot of physical labor), I am feeling a deep need to be pampered these days. I'm devoting at least a little bit of tomorrow to figuring out how to go about doing that--even if it only means buying myself some exquisite new bath salts and then taking a long soak in my tub at home with a good book and some chamomile tea. It seems like the perfect break between my work week and the side projects that I need to accomplish tomorrow. Yes, actually, it sounds like a little bit of heaven that I will gladly enjoy.
As for divining rods...I, ummm, didn't do them this week. It took so much resilience just to get through the chapter (such a dark, depressing chapter), that I didn't dare look back to do the exercises. It was such a relief to read Week 8: Uncovering a Sense of Truth and find LIGHT at the end of the tunnel! Phew. I was getting a little worried. But you know what? Julia Cameron is not so different than any of us. We are all so exceedingly pathetic and beautiful all at the same time. I guess this is what it means to be human.