Saturday, April 07, 2007

{Checking In} Week 7 of Finding Water.

Amazing. I find it hard to believe that we are already on to Week 8 of Finding Water. These pasts weeks I've felt like I'm running through water, my feet barely touching the bottom. It is an odd sensation--mostly a pleasant one, but a bit mind-boggling as well. There seems to be so much going on internally these days--it has been difficult to raise myself above the fog of my own mind.

morning pages and other significant issues
This past week I did my morning pages 6 out of 7 days. I was going to write about how absolutely ridiculous they've been getting. But then, just now, I looked back over my pages (I felt like I was cheating by doing this) and realized that there is so much more happening than I even realized. I wish I could write more about this here...but I feel that it wouldn't fair to myself to even try at this point. Today at work I was asking my boss about her other work and, on a side-note, she said something to the effect of: "Nothing ever turns out the way we expect it to--it turns out the way it's supposed to." Her words, although not exactly revolutionary, hit me with quite a lot of force. My life is in that in-between-place right now. I don't know how to explain that quite yet--and so I guess that the best I'll get out of myself at the moment are these little stops and starts. I'm just going to have to put my faith in the universe for now. Because, to be honest, I'm not sure what direction I'm going right now. For the first time in my life. I'm just not sure. All I can say is that I'm in the middle of it--of everything.

artist's date
This week I didn't go on an artist's date, but I'm going to cut myself some slack and go on one tomorrow (Sunday). Between the major change in my work schedule, V.'s b-day, and getting the car broken into and my purse stolen, it has been an exhausting week with very little free time. Of course, exhaustion and lack of free time is no excuse for not going on an artist date. Nor is lack of money or transportation. I am suffering from the desire to blame my artist's datelessness on all 4 of these excuses. But I will resist the temptation and take my $11 in quarters, the car while I'll have the chance, and DO SOMETHING tomorrow. But what? I don't know. If I could do anything at all I would buy myself a nice long massage (I've never gotten a professional massage before, but have always wanted one). Unfortunately, my lack of purse and wallet won't allow it. My muscles are stiff and sore and, due to my "new" job (which requires a lot of physical labor), I am feeling a deep need to be pampered these days. I'm devoting at least a little bit of tomorrow to figuring out how to go about doing that--even if it only means buying myself some exquisite new bath salts and then taking a long soak in my tub at home with a good book and some chamomile tea. It seems like the perfect break between my work week and the side projects that I need to accomplish tomorrow. Yes, actually, it sounds like a little bit of heaven that I will gladly enjoy.

As for divining rods...I, ummm, didn't do them this week. It took so much resilience just to get through the chapter (such a dark, depressing chapter), that I didn't dare look back to do the exercises. It was such a relief to read Week 8: Uncovering a Sense of Truth and find LIGHT at the end of the tunnel! Phew. I was getting a little worried. But you know what? Julia Cameron is not so different than any of us. We are all so exceedingly pathetic and beautiful all at the same time. I guess this is what it means to be human.

13 comments:

bella said...

Hey Jessie - it is going quick, isn't it? I don't think many of us enjoyed reading week 7, but I was able to take away some good lessons. Enjoy yourself tomorrow. And if you ever get the chance - get a massage.. so worth the money.
Happy Holiday!

Elizabeth said...

Go for the massage when you can - or even better get your fella to give you a massage.

I've struggled with this week, especially the date/d.rods etc - almost too dark a chapter to bear. But it did help me to realise that if Julia can produce the most amazing work with TWO major illness to contend with, then there is plenty of hope for me. I MUST paint more!!!

Said it before and I'll say it again ... I Love reading your blog.

Happy week 8, fabulous Jessie.

Hugs, Lizzi

deirdre said...

Massages are the one luxury that really are a neccessity. I hope you'll find someone who's really good and give yourself this gift.

Olivia said...

Hi, Jessie,

Thanks for another wonderful post. I agree with other commentors about the massage---GET IT!

Blessings,

Olivia

The Dream said...

OK, I'm snapping into bad influence mode here - run, don't walk, to a qualified massage therapist and CHARGE IT! I can here the swiping of the card from here!!! You deserve it - you're REAL, LOVELY, and I am grateful to have made this connection with you, oh-cool-one!

Tanaya said...

I hate week 7!!! :) and have excuses up the wazoo, but of course, that is all that they are...excuses.

...just wanted to pop in and congratulate you on being nominated for a "thinking blogger" award.

Well deserved!

marie said...

I'm so glad to find that I wasn't the only one depressed about week 7. I found that it was really challenging to not only do the divining rods but finish the chapters! I did do the chapters, but didn't finish all the DRs. It did get me to thinking about how these rough patches, whether drinking, or troubles on the job, or being overwhelmed with life, can get to us, and that we have TOOLS to get out of that ditch. Thanks for sharing your post. You truly deserve the massage! I tried one for the first time on my vacation called "Ayurvedic,". It's an old Indian style coming back...interesting.

acumamakiki said...

Week seven was hard! I'm hoping for some levity for the remaining month of this journey. Although as you said so perfectly in your last sentence, we ARE all so pathetic and beautiful - it's nice to be recognized quirks and all. Here's to a good week 8!!

swampgrrl said...

crap girl! you've been having it rough. did you get the massage?

i'm your excited journal sender. shoot me an e-mail with your snail mail, k?

one4lite@yahoo.com

MAHIMA said...

OMG JESSIE!
ofcourse i have visited your blog before!! when you emailed me i didn't realise! but i got here, saw DIARY OF A SELF PORTRAIT and it clicked. :)
i love your blog too!!!!
I'm so excited to receive something from you in the mail!!! :)
also,
I'm a mailartist so i'd like to send you something (small):) maybe a little art. or a little writing.
would you mind sending me your snailmail address as well?
thanks.
love,
mahima.
:):)

June said...

I can really relate to much of what you stated in your post. I am in that "in between place" as well. At other times in my life this would have been considered a form of torture...but not now. Just as you stated, "put your trust in the universe"... it is the same thing as putting trust in ourselves. Thanks for such a good read.
June

bee said...

oh, sweetie. i've read this post before - i don't know why i didn't comment.

i am with you. i hope that all the pampering you deserve comes your way, soon. i'm going to send you something that may help.

Karen Beth said...

Hello,

I'm new to your blog and just find it to be delightful!

I'm not doing the Finding Water book at this point but I love Cameron's works and am enjoying the journey that some of you are taking through it. It is inspiring to see all that you experience.

Thanks for sharing it all here and for doing so in such a profound and beautiful way.

Namaste,

Karen Beth :)