thursday afternoon thoughts...

I just got done with work and, at the moment, am sitting in a coffee shop drinking a latte out of a thick, white mug. I'm sitting at a table next to the window looking at traffic and brick buildings and wonderfully strange people walking by. The most useful class I took in high school was Typing...because it allows me to tap, tap, tap at these keys while continuing to watch everything that is happening around me. Artwork, people with books and notebooks and laptops, the bar across the street, the people smoking outside of it, the monotonous grey sky...

I shouldn't be in a coffee shop right now. I should be in the bar. Drinking a Bloody Mary and smoking (even though smoking would have to be done outside--minor detail). I've been thirsty for alcohol and cigarettes for a few days now. I don't drink very often and I quit smoking, but not long enough ago to make me completely forget the desire.

I've had my sister's car all week because I've been dropping off and picking up her kids from school while she's away on a business trip. It's been nice to actually have my own transportation...but I've fallen off the exercise wagon. And, in doing so, I've noticed a sharp decline in my level of energy. I'm feeling feisty. I don't want to go home. Grey day. I need to listen to music other than my own.

Lately I've been having a hard time getting any writing done because every day that I set aside to do it ends up getting filled with other people's business (and sometimes my own self-made dramas). I'm no longer interested in forcing myself to write, but what I do want, more than anything, is to write. This week I made the decision to give myself over to writing--completely. My days off are becoming fewer and farther in between. I've decided to honor the commitment I've made to myself by not allowing interruptions to take over the rare moments when I could be writing without interruption. I got a cell phone before moving here and, I must admit, that the best thing about it is how easy it is to just turn it OFF.

Time keeps going by at hyper-speed. And what I'm finding is that the creative life takes incredible amounts of diligence. I knew this before...but, these days, it feels more important than ever.

This post was written for no particular reason. Damn, I love writing...even if it is just made up of rambling...