Sunday, May 31, 2009

transitional...

It is much too early to be up, but I've given up on sleep. Actually, it feels kinda good to be awake. The sky is somewhere between night and morning. The birds are just barely beginning their overload of chirping.

Vinny and I went out to our new place yesterday and it was my first time seeing it since we originally went to look at it. We brought the dogs and our first small load with us--and (holy wow) it was just as incredible as I remembered it. I've never seen Louie and Ella so happy to be somewhere. Being "city dogs," I expected them to be reluctant or nervous--nope(!), they act like they've returned to a place they've known and loved forever. Anu, my wolfie, is a country girl. No doubt she'll fit right right back into it. But the ridiculous amounts of happiness in Louie and Ella's eyes and bodies was something to be behold. Zowzers!

A lot like the dogs, I couldn't drink it in deep enough (the smells, the sky, the quiet). I am looking forward to taking daily walks in the vineyard, the habits of undisturbed painting, and stepping outside every morning to the hush of a new world.

God, I am ready for this. The best part is that this relatively unexpected turn of events feels perfectly natural. As we drove home we noted how life can take us in directions that we could never imagine until we get there. Gosh, and I feel weepy as I write this. Not weepy sad...but weepy full of life. Glass half full, glass overflowing sort of full.

Yes, it feels good to be awake and writing. I couldn't sleep because I have a whirlwind of thoughts inside of me trying to find a plan and some sense of organization within me. After returning from "the farm" (it's not a farm, we just like calling it that) I found myself persistently whining to Vinny that I wanted to go back--and when I wasn't whining this thought to him, he was whining it to me. Technically, the place is not ours for another 4-6 weeks, depending on how quickly we get our current place rented out. We've been granted permission to start moving stuff into the garage and to use the garden, but it looks like we'll be in Limbo Land for at least a few more weeks.

Once home, despite the fact that I should be doing nothing else but preparing for a big art fair next weekend, I spent several hours packing and rearranging the house in preparation for stacking boxes. Our current house has hereby taken on a very definate "temporary" feel. The living room is a stack of both empty and full boxes and the dining room is nothing more than a table pushed to the window to make room for even more boxes.

We have an incredible amount of STUFF and this, along with my many work related summer projects, is what kept me up all night. I have no idea how I am going to make everything happen. But I do know that miracles do happen on a regular basis and that it will be worth every single sleepless night.

The house we're moving into is roughly half the size of what we're living in now. I am completely unwilling to take anything with me that no longer serves me. This is a liberating feeling...if only there was more time to focus on it. I laid in bed all night chewing on these muddy, disorganized thoughts...but then I got up and, as I brewed a cup of coffee, it dawned on me that this can look any way I want it to. It's all a matter of perspective, baby.

I might not have a lot of time on my side, but what I do have is the power of intention. I can intend for this to go gracefully, smoothly, quickly. After all, I have only spent a few hours on packing so far and, except for furniture, I have nearly emptied two rooms. Of course, the junk that once inhabited those rooms is mostly in boxes piled in the basement...but who's to say those piles won't go quickly also?

My goal? My goal is to have a massive rummage sale and to have nearly everything except our furniture and clothes moved by the end of June. It makes me nervous not knowing when we have to be out of this house, but I want to be ready when the time comes. I'm perfectly happy to live like I'm camping in this house until we're actually able to legitimately move into the new place.

And I realize that this blog post is probably completely mind numbing to the world at large, but (amazingly) I'm just writing this for myself (guess you'll have to just bare with me). Once upon a time, I used my blog for this kind of writing all the time. I miss that. It feels good to finally be able to let my guard down, to ramble, and to bore my readers to death. It means that my life is finally lacking editable drama--and I like it that way.

These days I feel myself returning to my whole self. I feel myself returning to and moving towards a cumulative power of being. My writing brain is rusty, but the sun has now risen fully. A new stage of the journey...this is always the best part: the beginning.

~

11 comments:

Rowena said...

I am actually interested in this discussion. I've been in transitional living for the last year, and will be until we get all our plans sorted out. The dream is to move out to California, but the fears keep popping up, so I like hearing about your dreams coming true.

And I totally understand about all the stuff. It is so stressful to deal with all the stuff. If your rummage sale doesn't work for everything, try going to freecycle.org. you might be able to get rid of things you wouldn't think possible. And people just come right over and pick it up. I gave a young single mother a bunch of baby stuff through freecycle.

Kel said...

Interesting to me too. I'm trying to generate that transitional feeling in myself, without moving home, just to shed some stuff. I'm finishing a course and going back to working part time, so the time is right.

Jane_hates_Dick said...

I am a fairly new reader, and I am not finding your drama-free story boring in the least. I find it sweet, and inspiring, and hopeful. If things can fall so nicely into place for you, they can for the rest of us, too, right? Keep writing for you! You're actually helping others in the process.

Olivia said...

I'm very excited about your journey, Jessie. Everything continues to move so quickly and so focused in the direction you are wanting to go in. I remember just a few (it seems like) posts ago that you were frustrated without a studio, working in the basement I think, and wondering where this was all leading. And here we are! YAY! xo, O

placesiremember said...

I read your blog from time to time because your blog is so positive it's contagious! Definitely not a boring read! It gives me hope that things can turn out well for me too.
Joyce

pia said...

I have to agree with the previous comments - this isn't a boring entry at all. It made perfect sense and it was a wonderful read because this was an authentic feeling that you were sharing with the readers. I particularly enjoy reading such types of stories because of their genuine tones.
I can't wait to see pictures and I'm really, really glad that this is a wonderful, happy teary event happening in your life :)

Deirdre said...

Your description of the new place makes me want to move far away from town too - even though I live on the edge of a small city in a neighborhood that's almost silent most of the time.

It also sounds like you have an opportunity to create exactly the life you want. What a gift. xoxo

Jamie said...

Darling, I think you are a miracle magnet! It's all that gorgeous love in your heart that keeps drawing magic to you.

May your new home be full of love, spaciousness, joy, creativity, abundance and prosperity - and, of course, dogs. hehe.

Sara Blackthorne said...

Hey! Will you check out my updated site (in all your spare time) and let me know what you think? Thanks!
http://slblackthorne.wordpress.com/

kj said...

man, that you are willing to express your interior, jessie. i can hear you now when you think and share. i am so glad of that. any hopefully it will happen again. we understand eachother...

i am so happy for you.

love
kj

bella said...

Thank you ~ for saying that you can choose for it to go smoothly~. I've been fighting off doing a couple of things only because I know it will involve my strength and physical hard work. But it doesn't have to be that way now, does it? :)

I am so excited for you and your new place. I hope to see pictures of you laying on a hammock with loads of free land surrounding you..and your dogs running freely. It sounds marvelous! xo