As I write that sentence I become aware of its absurdity. Nonetheless, we are restless and curious and dreaming of a place with breathing space and enough elbow room for the dogs to run. We've been dreaming of privacy and a night sky filled with stars. We dream about things like sunsets and distant horizons. And we imagine quiet sounds replacing the constant hum of freeway traffic.
I don't know if we'll actually make the move, but I do know that both of us are ready for a change. The house sits on 80 acres (a perfect combination of woods and field) outside of a little town. The little town comes complete with a grain elevator on Main Street (you know the sort of town I'm talking about, don't you?). And all of this sits right smack dab in the middle of nowhere.
Which leads to our only hesitation: the commute. Granted, working from home makes this easier for me, but Vinny would have a long drive 5 days a week and I would still have regular photoshoots and meetings in the city. We'll see. In short, this place will have to be made of magic before we'll actually do it--but magic IS something that I believe in. I've experienced it before. And I am ready to experience it again.
I've been living in the city for the past 3 years and, to be honest, I've loved most of it. But there is a bigger part of my heart that is built out of sticks and stones, woods and sky, stars and deer... I miss these things. Lately I feel the desire to retreat into nature. My true shine desires creative space, it desires heart space. And, in the process, I want to surround myself with nature's surprises.
I want to get back to my center. I want to listen to what is whispered in the wind. I want to paint farm dogs sitting in old red trucks. I want to have horses for neighbors. I want to be inspired by the colors of fire flies or the line of a fence separating ground from sky.
I've had trust broken and ideas stolen too many times in the past several months. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the city mentality. I'm tired of people only watching out for themselves. I'm tired of feeling like I have to constantly be protecting my heart and inspirations. When I do this I close myself off. And when I close myself off I am also closing myself off the flow of love and without the flow of love I cannot do my work because the nature of my work IS love.
Granted, moving is not going to exactly change anything. We all know that we bring ourselves where ever we go.
What can I say? The idea of life in the country returns me to a deeper part of myself. Almost 4 years ago I sold my place up north. It was made up of open sky and woods and magic. The only place I loved as much was a little village high in the Himalayas of India. I will never be able to replace either of those experiences. But I do think I am ready to bring deep connection back into my life--however that decides to manifest itself.