Be Brave: Day ONE {July 21, 2008}

Holy hell.

It has been quite a day. I would say that Day 1 of recommitting myself to the Be Brave project has been successful. Beyond measure.

To be honest, I'm still trying to make sense of all that has happened today. I mean, where do I start? Gosh, I feel like I've begun blog posts like this a lot lately.

My day started out by meeting the president of an incredible Minneapolis based rescue organization, Pet Haven, to discuss a potential partnership over coffee. This woman, she is amazing. Intelligent, heart-felt, professional, inspiring.

A door, a window (a rabbit hole?)...something has been opened.

Something inside of me has changed.
Shifted.
Yes, the shift--the same kind I felt while shoveling snow how many months ago? An unexplainable shiver and quake that causes one to fall into place.

I feel like I've just dipped a toe into the water of something very deep...and now there is no turning back.

This story involves a rescue dog named Ode (pronounced ODay, which means "heart" in Ojibwe). Ode, a 12 week old pup, was recently rescued from the Red Lake Reservation. Her ears were burned off. Completely and purposefully.
Her story is gruesome, and yet she somehow holds more hope than I am even able to give words to. Just look at those eyes! She holds enough beauty to bowl me over. And I have a sneaking suspicion that she is only the beginning of something that is bigger than my heart even knows what to do with right now.

Or, rather, my heart does know what to do. And I'm pretty sure it involves painting.

* * *

But wait, that's not all...
For my first day of recommitting to bravery I also:

• decided to turn down an offer to illustrate a series of children's books. Although it is an interesting opportunity, it just doesn't feel right. Today I decided to listen to my gut and honor my intuition. A little whisper is telling me that I'm going to need that time for something else.
  

• altered my diet drastically. I finally feel ready to deal with my weight. Certain unhappinesses in my life have caused me to become something of an over-eater. Stress, negative emotions...these are all good reasons to eat whatever I want, right? Um. I've been eating badly for too long. It wasn't until just recently (while on vacation) that I finally started to feel as though I have the emotional energy to make necessary changes and deal with the issues that need to be dealt with. Today I ate things like handfuls of fresh blueberries, nuts, raisins, lean meat, yogurt, raspberries, and granola. I went to the store and bought organic spinach and tofu. Strangely, today's diet was absolutely painless. I am happy about this because I have 25 pounds that I feel like I am finally, finally(!) ready to let go of. I'm realizing that the trick is to truly be ready. I wasn't ready before now.
  

• took my laptop in to get fixed. Mind you, it's been broken (completely useless) for the past 2 months. Ironically, it died shortly after defending my thesis. I couldn't find my warranty and was afraid that it had expired or that they wouldn't do anything without it and that I would have to clean my closet (oh horror!) in order to find it or that I would have to deal with a zillion inconveniences of trying to mail it in, or, or, or... Turns out that it took me all of 5 minutes. I was waited on by two incredibly smart and friendly people. My computer will be ready in little more than a week. I can't even tell you how many times I wished I could use my laptop!! And now? It will be painlessly fixed. For free! Why did I wait TWO months to do this? Fear, even the little kind, is a funny thing. Lesson to ponder: What if everything in our lives is really this easy?

• completed a painting of a modern day St. Francis with 2 dogs for a show that Kristine is curating in California even though I'm not even sure if it will get there in time. As I painted, I really couldn't tell if it was any good. I still don't know if it's any good...but I'm glad I did it anyway--because it was exactly what I needed to do.

Dang. That's enough for one day.

Goodnight, friends. And here's to getting reacquainted with BRAVERY. Whew!

~