Monday, March 17, 2008

not yet spring.

It is a quiet day today. A perpetual early morning gray hangs in the air as snow falls gently, covering whatever exposed ground that had begun to reveal itself. I took the dogs for a longer walk that usual because for the first time in a very long while I found myself once again in love with winter. It has been such a long winter of wanting and waiting. Somehow I think I let my favorite season get entirely caught up in that feeling of frustration.

For a few hours today I will have to take a step sideways from the forward momentum of my life in order to do some pre-formatting editing on my thesis and then contact the graduate office to make sure all my paper work is in order so that I might soon actually walk away with a degree. I am reluctant to return to this aspect of my life, but am finding the heavy clouds helpful. I will brew a fresh pot of coffee and cozy up with my computer so that I might finally and truly be done with this one lingering aspect of my past.

I feel tender today. I feel like I might easily cry. I feel very present as though I exist beyond the surface of my skin. Maybe that is why the gray feels so good. A buffer between me and the world. The snow has a calming effect. So much so that, upon returning home with the dogs, I simply sat out in the yard watching them play for a very long time. It made me wish for a place in the country. Somewhere that I wouldn't feel like a weirdo for sitting outside in the snow for no particular reason.

14 comments:

Annie said...

I feel tender today too :-). I love the new look, but I loved the old look too! I was wondering who did your blog, and how they did it, that Vinnie very talented!

Melba said...

my jessie,
I am glad you took the dogs for a long walk.
I don't know anyone who likes snow as much as you. you are uniquely beautiful.
I love that picture of you in a cowboy hat.

even when you are feeling tender you are the coolest.
I am holding your hand.
XO,
melba

ruby said...

tie up those loose ends, friend, and it's on to bigger & better things...miss you...xo...

Jessie said...

thanks annie! my husband, vinny, built the site for me. i'd love to tell you how he did it, but i'm afraid it's a bit too complex for simple explanations. i rack it up to pure MAGIC!! :)

kj said...

jessie, i can't even support your thoughts today because i am too caught up on the gorgeous look of your new blog. it is truly wonderful. vinnie has his own artist's eye....

can't wait for spring, myself....

:)

Frankie said...

What a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL post!!! I love the lines "I feel tender today. I feel like I might easily cry. I feel very present as though I exist beyond the surface of my skin." and have copied them down in my journal. I know that feeling well. It feels so good to be in love with a season, to rediscover that feeling over and over again.

Good luck with the thesis!! I'm cheering you on!!
xoxo

Leah said...

new blog sounds wonderful!!! sending you hugs and warm thoughts. xoox

caroline : my pocket said...

I too know that feeling well and I too do what you did, just sit and gaze at life. It seems the only thing to honour that presence and serenity. I love it. Taking a long walk with the dogs sounds divine. Wishing you much cozy flow with your wrapping up, enjoy being finished. Much love xoxo

TaraDawn said...

Wish I had been there with you, just sitting in the snow:) Thinking of you dear friend. Love to you, taradawn

Sacred Suzie said...

What a beautiful relationship you have with winter, I envy you.

I think it's a tender moon phase. The Libra moon will be bringing us much to think and feel.

Amy said...

What am I doing today that is Brave, well, I am introducing myself to you.
I have written about your " BE BRAVE", commitment today in my own blog. So, today I say "hello", and introduce myself.
It is so nice to meet you, Jessie, My name is Amy Gethins Sullivan, I am an artist.
And I want to thank you for my "Be Brave " badge.
It came at the perfect moment. Amy

Anonymous said...

love love love LOVE the new design!! gorgeous-- and wow-- you spoke my truth-- the shift to Spring ALWAYS messes me up but good-- so fragile these days . .

~bluepoppy

Claire said...

Spring, the season of hope. I hope it brings you joy :).

Cxx

Tori said...

I adore the new look!!!! It is awesome. I am craving a new design. I hope that you are feeling a bit less sad today. Sit out in the snow for as long as you want and f anyone who questions it.