Ok, I feel like I've been running at break-neck speeds towards something all evening...but it's time to try and slow down. I've made myself a cup of wonderfully spicy Ruby Chai with cream and and a little bit of sugar. Ooooh, yummmm....
But what I'm really doing is attempting to give myself a break before I head off on one last writing retreat. This time, however, I don't get to go anywhere (unless, perhaps, I go across town). My hours, this week, were cut once again for no particular reason except that, I'm convinced, the universe is conspiring in my favor to help me actually finish my thesis. I'll have three days off in a row and, in that time, I hope to buckle down and write the bulk of the critical portion of this project and, although it is something that I feel a fair amount of anxiety over, it is also something that makes me feel a great deal of excitement because it means that I am on the last stretch to the finish line. To have a finished draft that I can actually, tangibly hand over to my adviser...HOLY YES!!!!
And so the next three days I only partially exist in this world. Mostly I will exist only in books and in my head and in anonymous coffee shops and in the library. I've been a bit jealous of all you folks who are participating in such things as NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo...but, alas, the next three days are mine to blissfully immerse myself in writing. I feel very blessed to have this little chunk of time and so I am going to do my best to enjoy it. My arsenal: coffee, rose petal tea, candles, walks through leaves and along lakes, coffee shops, healthy food, my trusty laptop, a relatively clean desk, a very large stack of books, and good music. I mean, does that not sound blissful?? ;)
I recently read in Ask and It Is Given: "It is not your job to make something happen--Universal Forces are in place for all of that. Your work is to simply determine what you want." Well, I want to finish my thesis so that I can move on. Plain and simple. I think it's interesting that my hours should be cut at this particular time (they'll go back to normal next week). A good friend recently said to me: "Jessie--this is it--in every way the universe is speaking to you--nudging you forward--trying to toss you out of your nest so to speak..." Those words speak very truthfully to me and I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
Things have a way of working out and I think that if I just keep going with the flow, things are going to work out well. Mind you, going with the flow is not exactly easy. But it feels right and so, in that sense, even the hard work feels good. I'm ready to do whatever it is that I have to do. More than ready, actually.
Last night I had a dream that I was committing random acts of art by leaving paintings and drawings in odd places for other people to find. I left them taped to sidewalks and tucked in the crooks of trees and any other odd place that I felt inspired to leave them. It wasn't long before The Administration got together to talk about it. No one knew who was leaving the artwork scattered about, but The Administration wasn't happy about it at all. It became widespread campus news and eventually it was all over the local news (oh my!). haha! I was having so much fun leaving random artwork for others to find because it always made the people that found it so unexpectedly happy! Towards the end of my dream, even my Dad (who had previously abandoned me) came to stand up for me and The Administration lost their battle against my random acts of art. It was the weirdest dream. But, well...all things considered, it makes perfect sense. I keep dreaming about art and making art. Geez...do you think my dreams are trying to tell me something??