I've started working on my fifth painting in four days and, I must say, it feels incredible. I feel like a part of me has returned to myself. I know I've mentioned this before, but this past year I haven't really "allowed" myself to get too far involved with painting for fear that I wouldn't accomplish anything else. Don't get me wrong, I've done plenty of artwork, but always for someone else (for work or commission). Luckily, I came to my senses and (finally) said screw it to my self-imposed ban on painting.
My newly established rebellion includes working on little 6"x6" canvases. They're manageable. I can complete a painting in an hour or two, the only problem being that I don't want to stop! I take the dogs for a walk or drive to the store or walk across the kitchen and am overcome with "oh! I could paint that! and that! and that!..." I love it. I love it when I am able to fall far enough into the creative chasms of my mind, whether it be through writing or painting, that absolutely everything and anything becomes potential material. I especially love it when , even when I close my eyes, all I see is a shifting world of color. In this way, I think my brain has a tendency to get saturated. My brain is starting to feel absolutely soppy with color. Feels good.
In other news, I'm quite positive that I'm going to die from pneumonia or whatever it is that seems to have taken over my body. Today I had a coughing fit so severe that I was sure my eyeballs might pop out or that I'd crack a rib. Luckily, neither happened. But, honestly, somethings gotta give. I've been under a lot of pressure lately to accomplish a whole lot all at once. I would love to visit a witch doctor or shaman or saddhu or someone wise who might tell me exactly what is wrong and why. My body has made every noble attempt possible to let me know that what I need most is SLEEP in order to get better. And what have I done? Well, I've ignored myself. I'm feeling a bit battered and bruised by life--well, my lungs do anyway. How is it that I always seem to get in the way of myself?
Anyway, getting back into painting is a good start. It is reminding me how to be a little bit kinder to myself. It smooths out the bumps and helps clarify my daily list of priorities. Maybe tonight sleep will be at the top of that list.
I'll post photos later in the week. ;)