Friday, August 20, 2010

in the mental salt flats...

Every once in a while--well, actually, on a pretty regular basis--I think of this place. I consider coming here and sitting for awhile. I think about the notion of setting my thoughts down somewhere. I consider taking the time to delve beneath the surface and make sense of something.

But I don't. I haven't. At least not here.

Instead, I sometimes go to my journal. The one made of paper. And, more times than that, I don't even do that.

Life is strange these days. The hobbit castle has been under construction for nearly a month. Once it's finished, construction will soon move to my studio. I don't know what's worse. The big willow tree in our front yard fell down. It fell on a perfectly breathless morning. It was the heart of our home. A true day off feels like a distant dream. A blur of falling green.

These days, the world feels a bit off kilter. It feels a bit white. And flat. And strange.

I also understand that it's a necessary part of the journey and, if I just allow it to be what it is, I think I'll probably find something really interesting and beautiful on the other side of the current terrain. Heck, I'll probably find that in this current landscape--right here, right now. This, of course, requires a certain amount of presence.

A pause. Or flow. A letting go.

This is just a momentary blip--like the time I drove through the salt flats of Utah for the very first time. It was night. The moon was full. Everything was so surreal and flat and white. There was magic in that discomfort and momentary confusion.

Maybe if I just quit fighting with myself so much...I would find strange magic here, too.

~

5 comments:

Laura B. said...

Good to hear from you again!
Did you know I had a baby? Check out my blog for some pics :)
Say 'hi' to Vinny for me, Jessie!

laundrygirl said...

I was happily surprised to find you here!
You have said so many profound things in these few paragraphs. What resonates with me most is the idea of how we sometimes hold ourselves back because we have an idea or expectation of how things should be rather than accepting the off kilter aspects of life's seasons. I find myself noticing a theme in my life right now around that idea. Last week as she reflected, one of my blogging friends wrote, "Somewhere along the line we were convinced that a successful life looked one way. "I could go on and on about this. Maybe another letter is in order!
I love you! Hang in there.

megg said...

I love you.

Please take good care of you - and hang in there.

I'll say it again - I love you!

xoox

Patry Francis said...

Pie...salt flats. They don't seem connected, but I think they are. I love it when you say, "There's magic in that
discomfort and momentary confusion."

I love it and I believe it.

Elaine said...

I've just come across your site today, and I had to comment because I really hear you with this one. I've had that feeling of not being quite tethered in my life for the past couple months or so. The process of realizing that, and then trying to find some grounding has been an interesting one. Playing with blogging has, interestingly, been a decent part of the process. Such a different commitment to expressing ideas or thoughts when they're being broadcasted outside of a journal.. you know? Whether they're complete and formed thoughts or fuzzy and half understood. But I'm rambling. Just a note to say honesty is always a comfort. And there are most definitely stretches of time that seem to occur for me as well, when I've considered delving beneath the surface... but then don't. I hope patience and comfort for you.