Saturday, April 18, 2009

10 stories.

A new blog post would feel good. The last one was written too long ago. But what to say? How do I put language to my thoughts?

Last night I had a dream that I fell 10 stories down an elevator shaft. Upon being released from the broken wreck, my nose was deeply swollen, but other than that I guess you could say I was fine. It was in a nice hotel and I was on my way to a reception of sorts. I was with my mom and grandma. They made it out as if nothing even happened. And, now that I think about it, I realize that the last I had a dream that felt like this (about a bear), they were with me then also. At the party I wandered around miserable and sad partly because of my nose, but mostly for reasons much larger than I was even able to make sense of.

The night before last I dreamed that Vinny, myself, and an orphaned baby were swept down the currents of a muddy river in a distant country. After finding our way out of the river, I spent the rest of the night being pursued by whoever it was that was chasing us.

These days I feel a bit stressed and rootless. I also feel a lot inspiration and doubt, happiness and sadness. You know, the whole gammot. I like to think of this time in my life as a stage...one that I just need to allow myself to travel through. But where to begin writing? I pull the strings of thought and realize that each one is attached to much more than I am capable of taking on. Sometimes I suppose we just have to allow ourselves to sit and write nothing at all. Sometimes that is the only way back in.

  1. I am lost in a 12"x22" painting of an old dog looking longingly through the glass door of an ice cream shop. I am obsessed with all the beautiful little details.
  2. Today I'm joining a tele-group that offers business/financial support for creative types like moi (I'm nervous, but ready to give it a try).
  3. Warm weather has finally arrived. I go outside to stand in the backyard many times during the day.
  4. My wolfie girl, Anu, has started giving me more kisses than usual.
  5. I am learning to ignore my weeds. That is, those thought tendrils that do nothing but bring me down. (thank you, Connie, for introducing me to this idea.)
  6. Thinking about re-launching the Be Brave Project in June.
  7. Getting ready to launch my next big art exhibition/animal rescue project in two weeks.
  8. Attempting to learn the fine art of surrender.
  9. Planning on taking a painting/work retreat in the northern woods of Minnesota this coming week. 5 days of just me, my wolfie, and a car-load of canvases.
  10. Waiting for hope. It seems to come and go these days.
~

10 comments:

donna said...

Good to hear from you. YOu were terribly busy for a while there, so I think you needed a bit of a rest!

Take care!

Jessie said...

Thank you, Donna. The sad part is that I'm still busy and am sort of feeling like I always will be! But that has to change. I need to learn how to change that.

ps.
I like your profile picture. :)

bella said...

I wonder if your dreams have to do with where you are today? Maybe... I have crazy dreams that stick with me longer than I would like.
~ I've been feeling so much like you describe here. ~
Good to hear from you. Hugs and love. xo

Endment said...

Jessie
Sounds to me like you need a week of R & R and not so many things to do :)

Hope you find it soon.

Sara Moriarty-delaFuente said...

Yes, very good to hear from you. I have thought of you from time to time, hoping that life was being kind. I would be thrilled if you re-launched Be Brave. Just make sure that it would bring you joy, not more responsibility. Again, glad to hear from you. Your writing and thoughts always strike a chord with me. Until, Sara

Sharon said...

You sound like you need more rest... I sincerely hope you have learned one very special word--- NO!

It's a hard one to learn, and even harder to say. Lots of well-meaning people will add to your life things that must/should/need to be put off for a while.

Your inner self will tell you this, please listen to it. You will be all the stronger for giving yourself time to renew.

Amber said...

What do you think those dreams are tell you?

:)

GreenishLady said...

Ah, dear Jessie, the ebb and flow, the twists and currents of the river of life, and you are swirling along as best you can. Maybe when you go ashore for your few days, you might do something that doesn't involve canvas too? I know you love your painting, but it's such a big part of everything you're doing now, do you need breaks even from that? I dunno... just wondering, and just feeling that you are so wise, you'll find your way through this time too (and oh, what powerful images your dreams are offering you!) Blessings to you.

maddie said...

yes

i am learning

also

the art

the beauty

the meaning

of

surrender:)

kj said...

waiting for hope, jessie? jeez, is that what i'm doing too? how did it get lost? but you know, i don't think the problem is just about being busy. i think the root is inside, not out.

i love you!
kj