Thursday, May 01, 2008

twas the night before my thesis defense...

I planned on writing a really thoughtful and introspective post tonight, but now I don't really feel like it. At the moment I am sitting in my hotel suite overlooking Lake Bemidji. I've successfully tucked myself away from the world for some much needed quiet time. Vinny decided to treat me with a bit of luxury before my defense tomorrow--oh, and it feels so nice! I have a soft, king size bed all to myself. Actually, everything in this room is soft. The couch, the chair, the towels, the little bed I made for myself on the over-sized windowsill, even the wonderful dinner I ordered from room service left me with a perfectly comforted feeling. The tension from my day disappeared after a long soak in the hot tub outside, snow surrounding me, but I was warm underwater, enjoying the cool breeze on my face and the crystalline sounds of ice being stirred by waves on the lake. There's an eagles nest at atop the pine tree directly out my window. I love being perched at eagle height.

Just now I pulled two tarot cards from The Goddess Tarot--one for tomorrow (my defense) and one for Saturday (the animal/art event). I llayed back on my big soft bed, kicked my legs up and laughed a big, hearty belly-laugh because the words felt good. This is what they said:

For Friday: King of Staves-- Regal, expansive, and energizing, the King of Staves is the epitome of the sun's power. He has the ability to inspire others to grow because of his enthusiasm. Meanings: Dynamic, stable enthusiasm. Master over business ventures. The ability to bring ideas to fruitation.

For Saturday: I. Magic~Isis: The great Egyptian fertility goddess Isis is a potent symbol of the alchemic transformation suggested by this card (oh, and such a beautiful card it is! it speaks to me on a very deep level). She alone was the possessor of the secret name of Ra, the Egyptian ruling god, giving her unlimited magical powers. Meaning: A growing awareness of the magic within yourself. A yearning to grow beyond perceived limitations. You are able to transform your life through the strength of your originality and power--all you need to to is own it. Renewed creativity and vigor.

I defend my thesis at 11am. I started to get really nervous last night and was this morning too. At some point I realized that I have a choice. I can be miserable and nervous because I was allowing myself to feel that way since that's just what people do in these sorts of situations. OR I could NOT be nervous (or sad or depressed or any of those other negative emotions that were vying for my attention) and INSTEAD just enjoy this moment of rest between an incredibly hectic few weeks.

Please send me your wonderful bloggy vibes over the next couple of days. You people, my blogging community, what would I do without you?? And I'll be sending love right back at ya. ;) Actually, I'm sending it now. Can you feel it?

~

16 comments:

laundrygirl said...

Thinking of you! I'll be praying. I know your thesis defense will go well.
Cheers to you!
Oh, by the way - my favorite doll as a child was mighty Isis!

Fiona said...

Now this sounds more like an adventure! It gave me goosebumps the cards you drew. You will be great!
love fiona xxx

Sacred Suzie said...

I can feel it thank you and right back at ya! It must be such a relief to have this part of your life done and to have some space to breathe. Panicking won't make it better, you are so wise.

And oh my Great Goddess I love those cards! That Isis one?! Isis has a profound impact on me. Lovely. I hope you get your pendant soon!

audra said...

thinking of you this morning, jessie...i know your talent, enthusiasm, and passion for your project will shine through in your defense today....

Deirdre said...

You've got it. I'll be thinking wonderful, good, powerful thoughts for you this morning.And for tomorrow I'll add in a good dose of sucessful thoughts too.

And for Saturday I'll add in all sorts of art-selling and contact-making thoughts too.

Good luck, have fun.

Jamie said...

My heart and spirit are right there with you. I'm cheering on your every brilliant thought and sincere connection. I am believing in you 100% and seeing you standing joyful, triumphant and regal on the other side.

All you have to do is let your star shine. You have all that you need to rock this out.

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

Thinking of you! :)

Melba said...

Your hotel sounds heavenly!

It is Friday night so hopefully you are celebrating! I sent you mucho energy allllll day to day.
So glad you posted! Can't wait to hear about Your Big days!

XO,
Melba

Anicca said...

stumbled on this site...love the layout!

Olivia said...

Jessie, I got this too late. Your defense is already over!! ARGH! My thoughts are so with you though, and I know that you did well. My heart and prayers will stay with you as always, but especially over the weekend as you be brave. Love you, O

Leah said...

i've been thinking of you and sending good vibes your way! i'm sure everything went well and i hope the art fair is a blast!! xoxo

Sharon said...

I know everything went alright. How could it not?
You are an amazing, intelligent, gifted woman. All the best to you!

yertle said...

I just saw this but wanted to congratulate you for now being on the other side. Thank you for reminding me that we always have that choice. I needed that.

Annie said...

Good luck! Though you won't be needing it :-).

Kikipotamus said...

Yes, I can feel it. I know it will go well and I can't wait to hear about it.

Dorothy Williams said...

Well, I think you really got good luck on your side when you took your thesis defense. Well, some people do get nervous when it’s time for them to defend their thesis paper, and some, just like you, just enjoyed the moment of defending their thesis paper.