At the moment I am sitting at my desk and looking out the window. My old computer bummed out on me today, but luckily (oh so luckily) I have a laptop that I can replace it with. I lit incense and a candle and put on my big fat earphones to block out the rest of the world. I looked out the window just a minute ago because, although I didn't hear anything, I felt the slight shake of the house as the front door closed. V. is taking Louis for a walk. Every night we take him for a walk by himself so he can be properly trained. Anu, our wolfie, is far from trained and Louis doesn't pay much attention to us when we take them for walks together because he is so enamored by her. I can't blame him. I am, after all, enamored by both. I watched V. and Louis walk down the street and I can't even imagine being a mother. I mean, really, how can one handle that much love? I would burst. I am sure of it. Never mind that I am comparing puppy love with motherhood. There is a difference I'm sure. But whatever.
Louis is growing fast. His fur turns new colors every week. His legs grow longer. He responds to things in new ways. I don't know what he will look like when he is all grown up...but I am fascinated by who he is becoming. He is so full of moods, and expressions, and curiosity. Anu, in turn, has become the older, wiser, and all knowing goddess that I never expected her to become. Although she is not formally trained (other than "sit"), I am amazed by how well we move through life together--through intuition and body language alone. I don't use commands with Anu because she doesn't know them (yes, this is my fault), but she reads me in other ways. The addition of Louis to our family has made me more aware of the relationship I have with Anu and the ways in which we know each other. I always feel calmest when she is by my side. My thinking becomes more clear. Life in dog years is always too short. These four-legged animals have always been my best friends in life. It's always been this way for me. I love them deeply and am keenly aware of their mortality. Love never lasts long enough--especially the unconditional kind--not even if it were to last a billion years.
There are so many other things that I sat down to write about...but, I don't know. These days, my musings have been internal--too internal to write about? I have intricate conversations with myself that, by the time I make it to my computer or a piece of paper, become long forgotten. But it doesn't matter. I'm allowing myself quiet space. This is just the stuff in between.