Sunday, July 15, 2007

dog years life love.

At the moment I am sitting at my desk and looking out the window. My old computer bummed out on me today, but luckily (oh so luckily) I have a laptop that I can replace it with. I lit incense and a candle and put on my big fat earphones to block out the rest of the world. I looked out the window just a minute ago because, although I didn't hear anything, I felt the slight shake of the house as the front door closed. V. is taking Louis for a walk. Every night we take him for a walk by himself so he can be properly trained. Anu, our wolfie, is far from trained and Louis doesn't pay much attention to us when we take them for walks together because he is so enamored by her. I can't blame him. I am, after all, enamored by both. I watched V. and Louis walk down the street and I can't even imagine being a mother. I mean, really, how can one handle that much love? I would burst. I am sure of it. Never mind that I am comparing puppy love with motherhood. There is a difference I'm sure. But whatever.

Louis is growing fast. His fur turns new colors every week. His legs grow longer. He responds to things in new ways. I don't know what he will look like when he is all grown up...but I am fascinated by who he is becoming. He is so full of moods, and expressions, and curiosity. Anu, in turn, has become the older, wiser, and all knowing goddess that I never expected her to become. Although she is not formally trained (other than "sit"), I am amazed by how well we move through life together--through intuition and body language alone. I don't use commands with Anu because she doesn't know them (yes, this is my fault), but she reads me in other ways. The addition of Louis to our family has made me more aware of the relationship I have with Anu and the ways in which we know each other. I always feel calmest when she is by my side. My thinking becomes more clear. Life in dog years is always too short. These four-legged animals have always been my best friends in life. It's always been this way for me. I love them deeply and am keenly aware of their mortality. Love never lasts long enough--especially the unconditional kind--not even if it were to last a billion years.

There are so many other things that I sat down to write about...but, I don't know. These days, my musings have been internal--too internal to write about? I have intricate conversations with myself that, by the time I make it to my computer or a piece of paper, become long forgotten. But it doesn't matter. I'm allowing myself quiet space. This is just the stuff in between.

14 comments:

laundrygirl said...

Something about that last paragraph struck a cord. Our lives are so parallel...

kj said...

i love dogs in the same way, jessie. i consider myself triple lucky that i am wise enough to love and be loved like that.

still perculating. that's what i thought when i read this post.

CP said...

I love your blog and it made me so appreciative of the time my dog and I have had together. I'm glad you cherish the moments you have with them because that time is so short. My dog's old age is catching up with him. In time he will pass and all I will have left is his memory and pictures. The love between a dog and his master is so beautiful, I'm glad someone else out there appreciates that bond.

Laura B. said...

Jessie, have you read Marley and Me? It's this great story about a young couple getting this dog (a tough one, but of course they love him), starting a family, etc., plus it's Hilarious. I think you'd like it, and it's an easy, quick read.

Karen said...

Jessie:

Haven't been around for awhile--I'd forgotten how peaceful I feel after visiting your blog!

We just lost our little dog Jessie, unexpectedly, two weeks ago. It's been hard on all of us (especially me and the littlest girl), and our neighbors, too--that little black dog made friends everywhere.

I remember feeling the same way about the dogs before we had kids, wondering how I could love anything more. Then I had the kids, and, oh my, it dwarfs EVERYTHING I ever thought was love, including what I feel for my husband, my mom and dad, my dogs, etc.

Amber said...

I think this is a sweet post, and makes me think what a good mom you would be to a human child. lol! Yes, I feel my heart burst and fill up again about five times a day...Sometimes how much I love them keeps me up at night. In fear, in hope, in feelings of being more greatful than I ever thought I would feel.

Oh, and I love my little dog, too!

:)

megg said...

SIGH!! I loved this - it makes me so happy to know that you love so deeply. I miss my Dixie so much after reading this post - thank you for sharing!!

swampgrrl said...

dogs freakin' rock! louis is a heart-stealer.
my best friend during the angst-riddled teenager years was my dog, ginger. she loved me every day no matter how badly my hair came out.

Lubna said...

I can't even imagine a world without doggies. It is just too sad that they have shorter lives.

kj said...

jessie: fyi: i answered those five questions of yours.

:)

Anonymous said...

god jessie, you KNOW how i get this...xoxo...ruby.

Tammy said...

I have children and animals. The fierce love is the same for me. :)

XXOO

Marie said...

Knowing how much you love those dogs confirms what an awesome parent you would be. You have so much love to give...and yes, I can imagine you'd almost burst!

Elizabeth Krecker said...

Hi Jesse, it's been awhile since I've stopped by! Wanted to say hi! Your blog posts are as touching as ever.

I understand not being able to write, though I couldn't tell you why. I admire writers with greater discipline than me. When I do write, it bursts like a flood. But when I don't? Then I make pictures. Somehow it's comforting to me to see fascinating things and simply snap my camera shutter to capture them. Without having to form thoughts into words.